"All booze is good booze, unless it's weak booze."
Fact: If you watch "New Girl," you love Nick Miller.
You can't help it. He's an adorable, lovable mess of a man and you look forward to seeing him and his shenanigans each week. While living the infamous and incomparable life of Nick Miller, and obviously Julius Pepperwood— he has learned many valuable laws of the land. And, although Nick refuses to learn anything from anyone besides his mysterious, old Asian friend Tran, he does have a few lessons he'd like to teach us.
Here are 35 facts of life according to 'Nick Milla Nick Milla':
"I'm not gonna get sick. No germ can live in a body that is 65% beer."
"I don't believe dinosaurs existed. I've seen the science. I don't believe it."
"A bank is just a paper bag but with fancier walls."
"I'm like a mailman, except instead of mail it's hot sex that I deliver."
Jess (about Nick): "Now he won't even talk to me. I saw him this morning and he just panic moonwalked away from me. He does that sometimes."
Cece: "Come on, get up!"
Nick: "No, I don't dance. I'm from that town in "Footloose."
Nick: "I don’t wash the towel. The towel washes me. Who washes a towel?"
Schmidt: "You never wash your towel?"
Nick: "What am I gonna do? Wash the shower next? Wash a bar of soap?"
"I don't deal with exes, they're part of the past. You burn them swiftly and you give their ashes to Poseidon."
"I'm building you the dresser. I love this stuff. It's like high-stakes LEGOs."
Jess: "That's gross. Get a fork, man."
Nick: "I got two perfectly good forks at the end of my arms!"
"It's not sex until you put the straw in the coconut."
"I will push if I want to push! Come on! I hate doors!"
"Can I get an alcohol?"
"Schmidt, that is melon flavored liquor! That is 4-proof! That is safe to drink while you're pregnant!"
Jess: "You know what that sound is? It's the sound of an empty uterus."
Nick: "I can top that easily. I'm having a hard time with my zombie novel."
Jess: "Are you really comparing a zombie novel to my ability to create life?"
Nick: "I'm a writer, Jess. We create life."
"There is something serious I have to tell you about the future. The name of my first-born child needs to be Reginald VelJohnson. I lost a bet to Schmidt."
"Adele is amazing."
"I'd trust Beyoncé with my life. We be all night."
“Absolutely not. You know I don’t trust fish! They breathe water. That's crazy!"
Schmidt: "It's a bar mitzvah!"
Nick: "I am NOT watching a kid get circumcised!"
Jess: "So far, Nick Miller's list of fears is sharks, tap water, real relationships..."
Nick: "And blueberries."
Jess: "You care about your burritos more than my children, Nick?"
Nick: "You're putting me in a tough spot!"
"I mean, I’m not doing squats or anything. I’m trying to eat less donuts."
"If we needed to talk about feelings, they would be called talkings."
"The enemy is the inner me."
"Trust me, I'm wearing frozen underpants right now and I feel amazing. I'm gonna grab some old underpants and put a pair into the freezer for each of you."
"Everbody has been flashed countless times."
"You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol. You treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol."
"I believe horses are from outer-space."
Jess: "He calls turtles 'shell-beavers."
Nick: "Well, that's what they should be called."
"This coat has clean lines and pockets that don't quit, and it has room for your hips. And, when I wear it, I feel hot to trot!"
"Now, my final bit of advice, and don't get sensitive on this, but you've got to change that top it's terrible and you've got to throw sparkles on. Sparkles are in. SPARKLES ARE IN."
"I'm not convinced I know how to read. I've just memorized a lot of words."
"I know this isn't gonna end well but the middle part is gonna be awesome."
Jess: "Drinking to be cool, Nick? That's not a real thing."
Nick: "That's the only thing in the world I know to be true."