My Friend And I Are Wearing Pink Every Day This Month To Spread Breast Cancer Awareness

My Friend And I Are Wearing Pink Every Day This Month To Spread Breast Cancer Awareness

1 Color. 2 People. 31 Days.

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While my friend Ryan and I do believe in supporting breast cancer awareness all year round, October is always special. In addition to the pink converses and pink baseball hats, Ryan and I normally wear, we are stepping it up this year in choosing to wear an article of pink every day. If that wasn't enough, we are going to try and wear the same pink shirts when we can! #TwinningToSaveTheTwins

For me, breast cancer stole from me before I was even born. My grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer in her mid-fifties. She chose not to take on any treatments and wanted to live out the rest of her days happy. That was October 1989 and I was born November 1992.

It left me without a grandmother and left me with the "always there in the back of your head" worry. I would worry about my family, friends, myself, and the kids I may have one day.

In regards to Ryan, He wears pink for a lost friend, Angie. Angie passed away in May 2017, she was a dear friend, mother, and she lived her life to the fullest with a great big smile. Ryan wears pink in hopes of spreading awareness and education.

Just yesterday Ryan was stopped by a stranger and asked what all the pink was about. Ryan kindly explained that October is breast cancer awareness month. The stranger proceeded to thank him and said he too would get some things pink and help spread the word.

To honor our loved ones, to remember the women in our lives that are no longer here, and to support every single current battle we are wearing pink. I hope to draw attention, instill awareness and show some love. Be supportive, be proactive and be aware.

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.
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Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

From an outside perspective, suicidal thoughts are rarely looked into deeper than the surface level. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is that people live in between those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead.

You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255


Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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People Ask Why We THON, And This Is Why

Cancer cannot.

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$10,621,683.76

That is how much money was raised at THON 2019.

THON happens once a year at Penn State University. It is a 46-hour dance marathon. The dancers that participate in this event are not allowed to sit or sleep for the 46 hours. The event starts at 6:00 pm on Friday and the dancers are not allowed to sit until 4:00 pm on Sunday. This year there were over 500 dancers and the remaining students, about 16,000, took shifts of dancing for the 46 hours. During the time when these students are dancing, they are showing everyone what cancer cannot do. They are taking a stand.

That 10 million dollars that was raised goes to Four Diamonds. Four Diamonds is an organization that assists families that have a child with cancer so they do not have to pay a medical bill EVER.

All the money that is raised goes right to Four Diamonds to give to the families. I have seen first hand how amazing this gift is. When a family hears that their child has cancer, they do not want to start worrying about the medical bills that follow. From the lab tests to musical therapy, to hospital night stays, to the research to find a cure, that is where the money goes.

I had the privilege of attending THON this year and it was an amazing experience that I believe everyone should be a part of. It shows what cancer cannot do.

Cancer cannot take away kids.

Cancer cannot be a monster anymore.

Cancer cannot make people feel helpless.

Cancer cannot make people feel weak.

Cancer cannot have power.

That is why so many students participate.

That is why so much money was raised.

That is why these hundreds of families do not pay a single medical bill.

Every child is worth something.

Every person is worth a fight.

So I challenge you next year, to find a way to help THON 2020.

Because at the end of the day, it is all For The Kids.

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