Christmas is finally here!

For those of you that have been planning for this moment since November 1st, now is your time to shine. Everyone is coming home from break, families are gathering, and all of us are sitting at the dinner table getting asked really personal questions that we DO NOT want to answer. I'm here to prepare you for what's to come. Get your answers written down for reference, because...

Here are 30 questions you will be asked on Christmas:

1. "My goodness! How have you grown so much?"

I'd like to thank the Academy for making it over 5 feet.

2. "Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?"

Yes, no, maybe so. Oh, look! Pie!

3. "How's *insert best friend here*?

Oh, don't worry. We are still the same bad-asses we were last time you heard.

4. "How is school?

It's wonderful, I love it! (Try to fight the tears, my friends.)

5. "How are your grades?

So...how about more pie?

6. "Any wild parties?

Have you ever seen a college without them?

7. "Be honest, have you had your share of drinks?

Sorry, Brenda, that is confidential and I will not be sharing that today.

8. "Wow, you've gotten so handsome/beautiful!"

Well then, I'm sorry I was so hideous before.

9. "Do you have a job?"

Shh! Don't speak too loud, they might ask me to work a double.

10. "Do you like your job?"

Does a cat like water? No, but they have to get clean somehow.

11. "Did you vote in the last presidential election?"

We are not going to speak about that.

12. "What is your political party?"

The I don't give a sh*t one.

13. "Are you ready to graduate college?"

No, I was hoping I'd wake up after falling asleep on my stack of books and be a child again.

14. "What do you want to do after college?"

Sit in shock at the fact that I made it out of college, and then get some pizza.

15. "What is your major?"

On good days, criminal justice. On bad days, I master the major of shrieking uncontrollably.

16. "Do you study a lot?"

I'm sorry, what? I couldn't hear you over my biology textbook reviews replaying on a loop in my head.

17. "What are your plans for winter break?"

I'm not sure, either hang out with my friends or send myself into a pit of anxiety while thinking about spring semester!

18. "Do you have a lot of new friends?"

Oh, like people I can cry with about school? Totally!

19. "What are you into these days?"

Listening to music, making bad decisions, and regretting said decisions.

20. "Is that a tattoo?"

Yes, please don't jump the gun and tell me how disgusting tattoos are. It is on my body for life and I'm happy with it.

21. "Is that a piercing?"

Yes, it is. And yes, I was sober and very aware of what I was doing when I got it.

22. "You've finally put on some weight! Is that a beer gut?"

If it was, are you judging me? But no, I just eat when I'm stressed. So...like at least 14 hours a day.

23. "What ever happened between you and *insert snake*?"

Hey, hey. Call them Voldemort because that's a person that must not be named.

24. "Have you been to any weddings yet?"

AH! No thank you.

25. "How about baby showers?"

DO NOT make me choke on my food. No.

26. "How is living on your own?"

I don't know, ask my mother who gets at least 20 calls a day.

27. "How's your financial situation?"

Well, I can afford a pack of gum and some buttons.

28. "Do you ever skip class?"

To make a long story short...yes.

29. "How is the college food?"

I smelled it once and decided that delivery pizza and ice cream was my new diet.

30. "You seem stressed, you know that's bad for your health, right?"

I'm here for a good time, not a long time.

There you have it! Did your spine tingle the minute you thought about family members hounding you for information? Well, good luck, and Happy Holidays!