As a Denison student, I have my fair share of doubts and questions about the University as a whole. I love it with all my heart, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I just have questions I have never asked, but think many have contemplated. Just for my own sake, I've compiled a list of 30 things that (even over this spring break,) I can't quite get answers to:

1. WHY CAN'T WE USE DECLINING DOLLARS BETWEEN 11 AND 1?!

(This is prime lunch time, people.)

2. WHY are there so many deer?

(Denison Venison are cute as can be. But really...how did they all get here?)

3. Why do we celebrate MLK day a week after MLK day?

(Just why?).

4. Why is the Bandersnatch only open Wednesday through Sunday this semester?

(Where else am I supposed to get my midnight snagels on Monday and Tuesday?)

5. Can the Nest be open at all times?

(Margarita flatbreads would be good at lunch time, too...just saying.)

6. Can I play the Swasey bells sometime?

(Asking for a friend.)

7. Why is the library not open 24/7?

(Late night study essentials 101: A good study space.)

8. Why are there so many stairs?

(College on a hill sounds poetic and everything...but there's nothing poetic about my wheezing and asthma attacks up the South Quad steps.)

9. Why are the shower curtains so icky?

(It feels like a wet limp napkin brushing against my thighs.)

10. What exactly is a "Big Red"?

(I really don't think it's a buzzard).

11. Why do most of my professors NOT post grades to Blackboard or Notebowl?

(Being in the dark about my grades is one of my least favorite things.)

12. Why do snacks cost so much in Slayter?

(Excuse my while I go to a vending machine or walk to IGA to buy them for far cheaper).

13. Where can I find more parking?

(Especially as a sophomore...the Craw lot is always, always full.)

14. Why does tuition cost so much?

(I suppose it's worth it and all....but yikes, 60k per year?)

15. Can I get married in Swasey someday?

(Asking for a friend again...maybe.)

16. What's the real difference between the Nest and the Roost?

(I just refer to it as the 3rd floor of Slayter because I honestly don't know.)

17. Why are the floors of Burton Morgan so strangely numbered?

(ie. Why is the "first" floor labeled as the 3rd floor?)

18. Can we have Steve Carell come for a Burpees reunion?

(...please.)

19. Can we have Jennifer Garner come for any reason whatsoever?

(...also please.)

20. Why do people compare the food at the Slayter Cantina to the food at Chipotle?

(It is most definitely NOT like Chipotle.)

21. Why is the stir fry station now reheated noodles rather than made fresh?

(Must you take all good things from us?)

22. Sorry, I'm talking about food so much, but WHY did you remove the panini press and waffle maker from Huffman?

(See above comment.)

23. WHO runs DenisonSnaps?

(Important mysteries awaiting the day to be solved.)

24. Has anyone who stepped on the seal ACTUALLY not graduated?

(Or are we all blindly following a nonexistent superstition?)

25. WHY DOESN'T MERIT SCHOLARSHIP TRANSFER ABROAD?

(Someone?......Anyone?....)

26. Why can we (literally) skate across the chapel walk and nearly die before you grant us a snow day?

(I witnessed far too many snap stories of people ice skating in Converse to accept that this is okay.)

27. Why is the observatory always locked?

(And can I get a tour some time?)

28. Why are so many places here supposedly haunted?

(Are they actually?)

29. How are we continually top-ranked on nationally distributed lists like Forbes, the Wall Street Journal, USA Today, etc?

(The list goes on. And I'm pretty darn proud.)

30. Why is this place so awesome?

Exquisite scenery. Intelligent and gracious professors. A place that cares about me as a person, not me as some number. Despite all of these burning questions, one remains: How did I get so lucky to call it home?