Too often, we speak to ourselves in a worse way than we’d ever speak to somebody else - and worse than we would want others to speak to us. We make comments about ourselves that would make any of our friends no longer want to be friends with us if we were to direct those comments toward them. Our thoughts have the ability to make us feel powerful or to make us feel weak. A key step in self-love and loving others is eliminating the negative thoughts that tear us down, like the ones listed below.

1. “I’m not good enough.”

The more we speak badly about ourselves, the more we’re going to believe it. How many times have we stopped ourselves from doing something out of fear of being judged on our abilities? I can remember countless times where I have sat out of something based on a thought in my mind that I somehow won’t be good at it, without any real reason at all. We don’t apply to the schools we want to or the jobs we want because we feel inadequate based on the world’s message that the only acceptable condition of a person is “perfect." We have gotten it beaten into our thoughts that unless we are exceptional, outstanding, or the best at something, we might as well not even try to take new risks. This way of thinking is so harmful because we’re not meant to be perfect. We’re not always going to be the friendliest, best dressed, most athletic, successful, or confident person in the room. We’re just supposed to be ourselves. Instead of thinking “I’m not good enough," try, “I have a lot to offer that is different from other people. I have no idea how this will turn out, but I’m going to try.” We may not always be the absolute best, but we definitely are good enough to try. You are good enough.

2. “I’m not pretty enough.”

So many girls say self-deprecating comments to each other, or to themselves, like, “I wish I was skinnier.” or “My hair is so ugly.” or “I’ll never be pretty enough for him to like me." These thoughts are toxic for so many different reasons. The more we think these things, the more our minds start to believe that our identity and our worth comes from our looks. However, who we are as a person, our character, our intelligence, our creativity, our thoughts and so on, have absolutely nothing to do with how we appear on the outside. As girls, we are bombarded with images and slogans and trends that tell us how we “should” look if we want to be pretty. As a society, we have turned “pretty” into an objective standard, with certain qualities someone has to have in order to be called "pretty." Just because we don’t necessarily meet all of society's rules of beauty (which can vary greatly depending on culture and age group), doesn’t mean we’re not beautiful. Beauty is not something that can be measured by a list of qualities; it is an innate characteristic in everyone. As cliché as it sounds, everyone really is beautiful in their own way. Instead of saying to ourselves that we’re not “pretty enough," we need to remind ourselves of just how beautiful we are.

3. "I’m fine with that person treating me that way.”

Just because someone is our friend, boyfriend, or best friend does not mean they have a right to treat us however they want to whenever they want. We don’t always have to excuse bad behavior; in fact, we shouldn’t...ever. Everyone has their off days where they may get angry easily or may not be their usual cheery self, which is totally normal. But, if those “off days” turn into every day and you can’t be happy around that person because of a lack of respect and love, something needs to change. If someone is bringing more harm into our lives than joy, we need to remind ourselves of our own worth. Saying “it’s fine that so-and-so is always mean to me” isn’t doing ourselves or them a favor. We deserve to be treated with respect. The more we hold in a sadness that is caused by another person, the more we start to think that this is the treatment we deserve. It’s not. We have to be honest with ourselves and others and work on lovingly changing situations that are not life-giving. We deserve love.

Let's get rid of the negative self-talk and remind ourselves just how great we are.