Well, it finally happened. You’ve had your first fight. Remember the days when you looked at your partner thinking “How could I ever be mad at that sweet face?” Yeah, now you’re thinking “Wow, how could they ever be so stupid/careless/mean.” However, it’s inevitable. Fighting and disagreeing come with being in a relationship because no one is perfect. Sometimes we as humans are inconsiderate of each other’s feelings, whether we mean to be or not.

Fights will happen, but that doesn’t mean the relationship is mortally flawed. As a wise pastor once said, “If you aren’t fighting, someone is compromising.” And it’s the truth! A healthy relationship is all about communication, and fighting is, in fact, a form of communication. It’s so productive to simply lay each of your feelings out there, because neither of you are mind readers. None of us are perfect, so when you do finally have your first real fight, try to remember these three things to set your minds at ease.

1. Remember they are human, too.

We are constantly searching for that something to make us “whole,” to give us the feeling of completeness. We’ve all heard the line “You complete me,” however, I think this is one of the number one reasons couples fight. We expect our significant other to fill all our flaws, to act a certain way, and to be, well, perfect. When they don’t live up to those expectations, we can easily become annoyed or hurt by their words and action.

The only person who completes you is yourself, and it isn’t fair to expect this from your partner. So, when you have your first fight, remember to take a step back and ask “Is this happening because of an expectation I have that they aren’t filling?” If so, stop yelling, stop the hurtful words, and start talking it out calmly. Let them know why the fight started, what expectation they were failing, and see what they have to say about it.

2. Remember how much you love them.

When we fight, we tend to escalate from a simple disagreement to raised voices to calling each other names to screaming obscenities until we are so far from the original argument, we can’t even remember what started it in the first place. When this happens and all you want to do is tear into them, step back and remember this is your partner, the person you love. This is the person you want to come home to, to talk to about your day, to binge watch Netflix with, and cuddle until you both fall asleep. This is the person who has been there for you through thick and thin, and regardless of the fight, they don’t deserve to be demeaned. Keep in mind all the good moments you’ve had, and all the ones you’re going to have. Don’t let this small fight become the elephant in the room between you.

3. Remember to forgive and move on.

There’s literally nothing worse than having a fight, thinking you’ve reconciled, only to have it be brought up again or cause a rift for the rest of the relationship. The best advice I can give you is to settle it all, every feeling right then and there. Once you’ve both laid it all out, only then can you both get closure and truly feel as if you can move on.

Fights will happen, and it’s best to be prepared with the arsenal I’ve now given you. Relationships are flawed and hard, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t worth every good moment you two can have together.