1. The flavor

The most important part of the food is obviously the flavor, which asparagus is really not good at. Other vegetables are sweet or tangy, but asparagus is bitter and, to me, tastes like soapy tar. (Not that I know what that tastes like, but if I had a guess, it would taste like asparagus.)

2. The texture

Now, an asparagus's texture is just sad. The stalk is rock hard and difficult to bite through, and even if you manage to snap it off, it could break a tooth. Then there's the crown — a completely opposite feel. You may as well stick some tiny bird feathers in your mouth because that's what the crown feels like. Yikes.

3. The smell

Asparagus will stink up the kitchen, and it'll remain there for centuries. It smells like urine, and what's even worse, is that it'll make your urine smell like asparagus. All around unpleasant, right?