The only time I want to open my mouth is when I'm talking or eating — two of my greatest passions. I don't want to open it for hours on end while my teeth are being put through a process that involves metal objects and the hands of complete strangers getting up close and personal with my gums. Long story short, we all hate going to the dentist — and if you say you don't, you're lying. Or you're a dentist.

1. “A little wider please, Addison” … excuse me, but you’re prying my jaws apart with the jaws of life there is no “wider.”

2. Do you think my swollen lips make me look fat?

3. “Am I pinching you?” Gee, I don’t know you’re sticking a giant needle into my gums, so, you tell me, tooth fairy.

4. Why is the dentist leaning my chair back before I’ve even had a chance to put my phone back in my purse?

5. Doesn’t he know how much battery not closing out of my apps properly will cost me?

6. Why is there a sign on the computer that reads: “leave computer on every Monday night"? What are they planning?

7. Hey, remember when they said the dentist would be back to see me soon? Did you you mean in 2016 or 2017?

8. Is it normal to give me this many anesthesia shots? Surely not.

9. What if it’s like "Deadpool" and they’re turning me into a superhuman against my will?

10. Actually, I think I’d be okay with that.

11. Only if they give me the power to eat whatever I want without gaining weight, though.

12. Or the power to make all my friends jealous of me.

13. Wait…are you seriously letting a college student shadow you while you’re elbow deep into my tonsils?

14. I don’t know about you, but I don’t feel completely comfortable when a 21-year-old boy peers into my tooth decay.

15. I should dedicate a new song to my dear dentist: “I can’t feel my face when I’m with you, and it’s making me slightly nervous, and it’s making me slightly nervous…woo.”

16. These people aren’t even talking to each other as they gaze into my gums.

17. Wow, they’re so boring.

18. I guess that’s why it’s "Grey’s Anatomy," not "Grey’s-odontics."

19. Speaking of "Grey’s," “Chasing Cars” just came on the office radio.

20. Don’t cry Addison; Hold it together!

21. Don’t think about Izzy and Denny, don't!

22. Don’t let them see you cry. They’ll think you’re crying because of pain!

23. On second thought, that’s a way less embarrassing reason to be tearing up rather than over the death of a fictional Shonda character.

24. Um, is this drill supposed to be smoking so much?

25. It tastes like sparklers smell on New Year’s Eve.

26. I just realized I have slightly been wiggling the lower half of my body to the music currently playing.

27. Could the numbing shots not also numb my undying sense of rhythm?

28. “You’re doing great, Addison.” Listen, doc, if you want to reassure me, don’t tell me I’m doing a great job by laying horizontally and only mildly wincing at the pain, reassure me that I have toned legs.