I'm a BIG Walmart goer. It is now a place where my boyfriend and I go for fun. Which sounds absolutely pathetic, but we enjoy our grocery shopping and our late night stroll around Walmart seeing what unnecessary things we should waste our money on.
I secretly would be devastated if one day he said to me, "You know what? I'm just getting really bored of randomly going to Walmart for no reason." Thank the Lord that day hasn't happened yet.
Like any one else shopping at Walmart, questions are constantly streaming through my head, so I figured I'd share mine and see if anyone else has these questions too, and how you go about answering them.
1. Is there anything we can't wear to Walmart?
The outfits I've seen, and lack thereof amaze me. It's the one place where a girl can dress like a total slut and no one can say anything about it. If you don't like Mean Girl's this article will seem very weird, but I'm not sorry.
2. What was our original purpose for coming here?
Was it the milk? Was it for ponytails? Clothes, candy, car parts, electronics? The world will never know, and neither will I.
3. I got everything on my list, but is there anything else I need?
No Kylee, There's nothing else you need. Leave the store now before you end up spending hundreds like you did the last time.
4. Wait, do we know that person?
Oh grand, we sure do. Good thing I look like a homeless person. Kylee, act natural...blend in with the others. They'll never spot you. Shit, wait I think they see you.
5. Did I call to remind everyone I was going to Walmart? What If they needed something?
*Makes call to every family member-including the ones I don't live with just to confirm they, in fact, don't need anything.*
6. Should I get the dogs more toys? I feel like they don't really have enough... I mean they do, but I'm sure they'd like a new one.
"Honey, look what I bought today? Two baskets full of toys! Do you think the pups will be excited?"
"Yeah... just as excited as they were yesterday."
Wellllll shit.
7. OH MY GOSH, I wish I had a kid, are these baby clothes not just the cutest?
I mean stocking up for my future child in 5 years wouldn't be the worst decision I've ever made....
8. Have I already done a full lap around Walmart?
Look at me! I'm getting my exercise in and my grocery shopping. Win-win for Kylee today.
9. Oh my God, this man has been blocking the aisle for 8 minutes now. How do I ask him to move without being rude?
"Excuse me sir...can I just slide right through here?"
*Doesn't hear me*
*Inches through anyway*
*Hits his cart*
"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! I didn't even see you there!"
10. Is it really cold in Walmart today or is it just me?
NOOOOO, I still have to get stuff in the freezer aisle. I guess this is where I die. I mean...it wouldn't be the worst place to die. They have a lot of money, my family could sue...think about your family Ky..think about your family.
11. Where did my boyfriend go?
I said two minutes. TWO MINUTES. That is all I'd be. I turn around and he's gone, and my phone is dead so yeah Ky, good luck finding him.
"Wow, it's like a maze in here, full of lost boyfriends/husbands roaming around confused."
12. I should try eating healthy for sure. But wait...are those tater tots stuffed with mac & cheese AND bacon?
This is legendary. No one will believe me unless I buy them right at this very moment. I got them. They believed me. They were great.
13. Face masks? Two for five deal? Yup.
Did the heavens above put this deal right in front of my face as a sign? I think they did...I think they did. What if they wouldn't be two for five tomorrow and I missed out? How horrible would I feel then? Pretty horrible..let me tell you.
14. Is 5 bottles of wine at the house enough or should I restock?
The question really answers itself I just felt it was relatable so I snuck it in there. 10 bottles of wine is plenty I think, I should be good for a few days.
15. Why is Walmart so packed? Is there a deal I'm not seeing, or a sale I'm not participating in? I must know!
There wasn't a sale, people just love Walmart as much as I do, so I guess that answers that.
16. Should I make a craft tonight? I feel like I haven't done crafts in awhile, and it's good to be a kid again sometimes, ya know? Even at 23.
The "craft" is still sitting in the upper part of my closet. I have yet to make it, BUT I really think one day it'll just come in handy when I'm least expecting it. Any day now...
17. Am I allowed to bring my dog to Walmart?
I feel like the answer here is no, but why does that lady with the motorcycle pants and tutu over it get to bring her dog. :( It's not fair......
18. Should I get two carts?
I can't push them both by myself, but my boyfriend is still MIA, I should really try and find him.
19. *Looking for my boyfriend, looking for my boyfriend* *STOP* PLATES! Ahhh. They're the cutest color and design.
I feel like I haven't gotten new dishes in forever. Maybe I could just redecorate a tiny bit? But...if I get these...then I need to get some other things to match. Like these cute little salt and pepper shakers!
20. Oh, there he is! He's looking at DVD's... "BABE DO YOU WANT TO GET A REDBOX TONIGHT, WE SHOULD GET A REDBOX!"
**We got the Redbox and completely forgot about it, we kept it for so long it is ours now.**
21. Okay, now which line should I go to?
Self-checkout?
Nah...too much stuff.
Twenty Items or less?
Kylee, You have too much damn stuff, no.
Well, which one of these peeps looks like they actually know what they're doing?
22. Okay, I guess I'll settle for register 13. But what's this?! Air fresheners for the car. Right here in line with me? How convenient, my car has been kinda smelly lately...
Check, check and check!
23. I wonder if this lady is annoyed I have so much stuff? I'll try and be really quick.
*Lady takes 7 minutes per item.*
Okay, well that was wasted energy I could've used for self-checkout but ya know:)
24. Let's see...how much did I spend today...
"Your total is $376.43."
Damn, I have to start making lists and following them.
25. SHIT I FORGOT THE MILK.
Eh, I'll just come back tomorrow.
*repeats entire process*