College is a time of significant growth for many a young person. The growth and maturity, however, seemed to skip right over the boys that share floor nine of our dear residence hall. Don't get me wrong, the girls are still a bunch of little hot messes, but the young men that grace floor nine are an extraordinary kind of being. So, I have watched them with vigor and commitment and published a scientific study (to the best of my comprehension) of a list of their daily thoughts.

1. It's been three days, should I shower?

There is no level of body odor that will get them to bathe before the 3-day mark.

2. Food.

The amount of food a post-adolescent male can consume at a traditional dining hall in one sitting is the reason tuition costs so much for the rest of us.

3. Should I call that girl I danced with at the bar last night?

I don't know if watching them practice their moves or watching them try to follow up with these girls is worst.

4. I'll ask the girls down the hall if I should call her.

It's almost endearing how much they need us.

5. They said no, but I'm still gonna do it.

I said almost endearing. It would be more of a compliment if they listened, but they ignore us anyway.

6. Big man.

Forever wishing I had their blind confidence.

7. Smart Man.

Even if their GPA says otherwise.

8. I should not have called her; that went badly.

But you'll never hear them admit it.

9. Food.

Being hungry is a character trait for them, not a fluctuating occurrence.

10. The RA is such a jerk.

So annoying that screaming at 3 o'clock in the morning is not allowed?

11. I hate my roommate, but like we're bros???

Whatcha gon' do?

12. College is so easy.

Why doesn't everyone do this?

13. So cool how my parents can't tell me what to do now.

There are still a few rules, but don't try telling them. (They probably won't listen.)

14. Ugh, I still haven't showered.

Yikes.

15. I should go see if the girls down the hall have food.

We will always provide for our boys in need.

16. Didn't go to class today, lol, haha. Doing what I want.

What's the minimum number of classes they can attend and still pass? They will go only to that many.

17. Ugh, Kanye is so woke.

18. Therefore, I am woke for listening to Kanye.

No comment on their awareness of present social injustices.

19. I don't even need to be here.

I often wonder what it's like to be as smart as these guys think they are.

20. I'm just going to write a book on being a business major, this is eaaaassssaaaaayyyyyyy.

Champions of knowing more than the professor (or so they think).

21. It's Wednesday so, like, if I go out, should I go out late after I study or go out early and get back early to study?

We all know it doesn't matter when they go; they're still blasted on a Wednesday night.