I am a self-admitted animal freak. As a child, I dreamed of being like Eliza Thornberry so that I could talk to each and every critter I came across. I had a stuffed animal collection that I could practically swim in, and spent more time playing with my pets than with other children. Today, I am a much more social person, but my love for all creatures big and small has not diminished. I still behave like an unsupervised child when I come across animals, but as an adult I now have the power to adopt and snuggle every critter I see.
As a true animal lover, these are some things you can probably relate to:
1. You probably have pets…several of them
The more the merrier, right?
2. And you treat your pets like human family members
And you embarrass them accordingly, as all great parents should.
3. Your friends and family know better than to take you into a pet store
Accompanied with each trip is a plentiful amount of high pitched squealing, hand flapping, and happy-tears. The phrase "CAN WE GET IT?!" comes out of your mouth many times.
4. …and forget about the humane society
This place is full of sadness. All the animals are sticking their paws out, reaching for you to adopt them. And because you're the Dark Knight of the animal kingdom, you leave with a new friend every time.
5. You regularly go to petting zoos even though you’re a grown adult, because you know that it means you’ll be doing some of this
Move over, Timmy, I have goats to pet.
6. The phrase, “I’m just taking care of it until someone else adopts it!” has come out of your mouth before
Not even the rescue animal is fooled. They know you'll get attached--they always get attached.
7. You have brought your vehicle to a complete stop more than once because there was an animal crossing the road
Keep honking, commuters. I have to make sure this lady gets her kids home safely.
8. You’ve also made friends or family stop their cars so that you could get a better look at an animal
Because these are the kinds of selfies you want to take, not selfies with your lame human friends.
9. You try to pet even the seediest members of the animal kingdom, which really weirds people out
Raccoons are just like chunky cats wearing bandit masks, right? Despite their bad rep around the animal world, you think they're kinda cute, and (if you're like me) you would definitely approach one should you see it begging for food in a park. And let's not even get started with on the adorably misunderstood opossum.
10. And while the other people on the beach are trying to avoid the seagulls, you’re probably laying on the sand trying to feed them Cheetos
No guys, they like me for my personality. Really.
11. When you go to someone’s house for the first time, you immediately ask if they have any pets
And you sincerely hope they do, so that every moment of awkward silence can be filled by you repeating "such a good dog/cat/armadillo" in a high pitched voice until it's acceptable to leave.
12. While your peers consider a room packed full of sweaty young adults a party, your ideal party looks more like this:
Yep, this is a Corgi Party. AKA the best kind of party there is.
13. While other people go to the spa for relaxation, you’d prefer something like this instead:
14. You’ve caught yourself saying this more than once:
Animals won't judge you for eating the rest of that Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream in your freezer. Animals don't care if you wear socks with Crocs. Animals won't rear end you at an intersection because they were texting and driving. Let's just say, scoreboard.
15. Someone has compared you to Dug because of how often you draw attention to squirrels
No matter how many live in the area, they just never stop being cute.
16. Everybody has that friend on Facebook who constantly shares tear-wrenching animal rescue videos, usually involving an abandoned kitten or a starving baby bird. You are that friend.
But you had to share it. And you made this face the whole time you watched it.
17. You’re also the first person to get misty-eyed during ASPCA commercials.
Curse you, Sarah McLachlan!
18. While your friends weren’t looking, you secretly became a member of the ASPCA or a similar organization.
Until you don this shirt a month later.
"It came from Goodwill, I swear."
19. I Am Legend, Marley and Me, My Dog Skip, and Old Yeller are off limits during movie night.
Great movies? Yes. Great for maintaining my dignity? No.
20. This is one of your most frequently visited webpages
There's enough depressing news out there today, thank you very much. If you'll excuse me, there's a pelican photo shoot that needs my attention.
21. You follow more animal accounts on Twitter than you do celebrities
Because kittens > Kardashians