Apparently, your twenties are the hardest years of your life.
People like to say that, "You are not prepared for the mess coming our way." Honestly, that is a simple and ordinary way to explain it.
The start of your twenties feels like a calm breeze at first, and you feel no different than the year before. Then before you can put one foot in front of the other you are already tripping. Life gets hectic as a junior in college but that's every day. What's different is that life is slowly catching up with you.
Let me tell you about a girl who doesn't have everything figured out.
Sometimes, she is in her own head. Typically reliving moments silently in class or overthinking the way her sock is sticking out of her shoe.
She learns best from experiences, the good and especially the bad. She really reflects on the bad ones from very heartbreak, mistake, or failure. Each of them has shaped her.
She works hard, maybe too much. Two jobs, an internship, and extracurriculars outside of class, sometimes it seems like there is not enough time in the day.
She even surprises herself with every accomplishment as if she isn't doing enough. She overlooks them and continues to stress herself out about grades and maintaining a social life all at once.
She is comfortable in her own skin and flourishes on faith and affirmations. She is self-acclaimed. She is powerful. She knows what she can accomplish, she knows who she is, but throughout this time where those around her are discovering their identities, there are times she struggles with her own.
That's me.
I've heard my friends complain they don't know what to do with their lives. On the other hand, some of them discovered what they wanted to do with their life. Thinking about this makes me laugh because life is a continuous learning process for everyone.
I have three more semesters and then I'm done with my undergraduate studies and life is going to get even more chaotic. But that is only if I allow it to be. This year I have really learned that I have control over myself and how I react. While I have struggled and questioned a lot of things, I know who I truly am.
When things do not go as planned I am reminded that everything happens for a reason. This past semester had to be one of the hardest of all. I changed my double major from English Literature to Psychology and Journalism. I had difficult professors and I was overall struggling. I questioned if I made the right decision.
However, it forced me to work harder than anyone else in the class and that is an experience that I needed. If it was okay and easy would it have been worth it? Would I have learned anything whatsoever? No.
"Okay is not thrilling, it isn't passion, it isn't the reason you get up every day, it isn't life changing or unforgettable" Lauren Goodeger
I try to remember this with each challenge I face. Easy is not thrilling, to me it is impossible to grow if you are not going through an obstacle and learning. In these moments, I am changing and evolving. Once I assume I know myself, I learn something new about who I am. I never get tired of learning more about who I am becoming. These are the years where we find ourselves. Also, these are the years we feel most alone.
I never mind being alone and independent, I thrive with being in my own space. But I notice I am consistently working on who I want to be BY myself. I am focused on me while working to become a better me. With this, I don't mind being alone yet I still keep a balance of still connecting with my friends and family.
This does not come easy. I am striving to remain consistent with myself and with my personal life. Yet, this is where most of us feel a disconnect because we can choose to be selfish with our time or not be.
There is a balance, I simply hold myself accountable and I don't make excuses. I never want to settle with everything being okay or easy for me. I expect everything to be an opportunity for me to grow and shape my own perspective on life.
So, is my life hectic?
Inevitably, yes, but I know it is worth every second.