I wasn't feeling anything close to empty on New Year's Eve. The sparkle and shine distracted me and by the time noon came the next day, a rug was pulled from under my heels and I felt empty.

I hadn't dealt with an episode like this in a while and didn't expect 2019 to begin with trying to pull myself out of a hole I didn't dig. I found myself on a bathroom floor crying my eyes out, calling my boyfriend to vent. I felt disgusting and unproductive. The idea of the new year equivocating to a fresh start is something that has always troubled me. You can't put a blanket over everything that has happened in the past year, especially something as fragile as mental health. Still, nothing from my past could have prepared me for an episode like this. I found myself stuck in my head, feeling no self-worth, and no happiness. The only thing I wanted to do was go to bed and even with that, I didn't get to sleep till nearly 3 in the morning. I tend to put an immense amount of pressure on myself in these situations to get happy and tough it out, but sometimes that just isn't possible.

My resolution for this year is to put my mental health first and to seek help when I need it. Always remember you don't have to go through anything alone and there is always someone who is going through something similar. You don't need a new year to put your mental health first. Whether you are reading this in January or July, mental health should never be put to the side and it should always be a priority. If you are reading this and are dealing with mental health I support you and hope you find the support you need. 2019 will be the year of prioritizing mental health.