What is your new year's resolution?

2019, Please Be Good To Me

Summer of 2016 was greater than the rest of our lives.

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The summer of 2016. I'd say that my personality changed a lot during 2016, the first five months were spent as a childish spoiled young adult who didn't really have any self-awareness. The Summer of 2016 and onward changed that. My perspective about life changed in good and bad ways and that is why I am asking 2019 to be good to me.

The summer of 2016 was great because I had my drivers license, I had a job, I had money and freedom and no worries going into my junior year of high school. It was the most freeing summer ever. I drove down to the beach to spend time with friends, escaped from parents, went to summer camp, hiked the Appalachian trail (or at least 60 miles of it). I had a "summer fling". It was the best.

The school year following was so good because I found my friends, I became myself. I look back now and I am jealous of old me. I want nothing more than to go back to those good times where I was carefree and had no troubles.

From the summer of 2017 on, I've had issues finding the old me. While to some people, I seem just as cheerful, optimistic, and positive but that really isn't me. I put on a good face so no one will ask how I am really doing. For the times when I stop doing that and show how I really feel on the inside, I feel guilty and like I am putting a burden on someone. That I am too dramatic and sensitive and I have no reason to be. I wish I didn't feel this way but I do. I thank those who put up with it and those who are able to bring out my better, more reasonable and fun personality for short periods of time - high school and middle school friends you know who you are.

It's not that I don't still retain some parts of that personality, but I think it really is unhealthy how much I look at old pictures and videos from my past and want to go back. I am honestly so jealous of myself and it is a hard battle to fight. To be jealous of yourself yet have great self-esteem are two things I never expected to face.

2018 had its moments. The summer is always better for me so working at camp was super fun, getting into a dream school was also a highlight, but otherwise, my daily life had nothing to it.

I want 2019 to be the year that I am who I really want to be again. I want to not feel jealous of myself.

Already I am in the process of making my annual 'New Year Bucket List' and filtering out the different things I plan on doing and yes I usually stick with my ideas. (It's been one full year of vegetarianism, yay!)

I just ask 2019: I know I will get bad things, no one's life is perfect, but I want to stop focusing on what I used to have and all the misfortunes I currently fight with and instead focus more on the good things. 2019, be like the summer of 2016, all year long.

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When You Make A Girl An Aunt, You Change Her World In All The Best Ways

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her the happiest girl in the world.

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My brother and his wife recently blessed our family with the sweetest bundle of joy on planet earth. OK, I may be a little bias but I believe it to be completely true. I have never been baby crazy, but this sweet-cheeked angel is the only exception. I am at an age where I do not want children yet, but being able to love on my nephew like he is my own is so satisfying.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her a very protective person.

From making sure the car seat is strapped in properly before every trip, to watching baby boy breathe while he sleeps, you'll never meet someone, besides mommy and daddy of course, who is more concerned with the safety of that little person than me.

When you make a girl an aunt, you give her a miniature best friend.

There is something about an aunt that is so fun. An aunt is a person you go to when you think you're in trouble or when you want something mom and dad said you couldn't have. An aunt is someone who takes you to get ice cream and play in the park to cool down after having a temper tantrum. I can't wait to be the one he runs to.

When you make a girl an aunt, she gets to skip on the difficulty of disciplining.

Being an aunt means you get to be fun. Not to say I wouldn't correct my nephew if he were behaving poorly, but for the most part, I get to giggle and play and leave the hard stuff for my brother.

When you make a girl an aunt, you give her the best listening ears.

As of right now I only listen to the sweet coos and hungry cries but I am fully prepared to listen to all the problems in his life in the future.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her the best advice giver.

By the time my nephew needs advice, hopefully, I will have all of my life lessons perfected into relatable stories.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her a number-one fan

Anything you do in life sweet boy, I will be cheering you on. I already know you are going to do great things.

When you make a girl an aunt, she learns what true love is.

The love I have for my nephew is so pure. Its the love that is just there. I don't have to choose to show love every day, I don't have to forgive, I don't have to worry if it is reciprocated, it is just there.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her the happiest person in the world.

I cannot wait to watch my precious nephew grow into the amazing person that I know he is going to be.

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Goodbye School, Hello Real World

I'm ready for ya!

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It's starting to hit me.

I've been in school, year after year, since kindergarten. Maybe even pre-school!

Now, I'm about to graduate with my bachelors in communication and I couldn't be more proud of myself. I'll say it. I often sugarcoat it or suppress it but d*mn it. I'm going to applaud myself. It was hard work. It took a lot of motivation, determination, (caffeine), and willpower to get to where I am today. I worked my ass off.

That being said, I can't help but think... What is life without due dates? What is life like without scrambling to turn in an assignment that's due at 11:59 PM? What is life like with actual sleep? Sleep? I don't know her.

Like I keep telling my boyfriend and my parents, I don't have it all figured out. At least not right now. But I will, and I'm in no rush to land my dream job right now. If anything, I want to take a year to myself. I want to travel. I want to sleep in if I d*mn well please! I want to read as many books as I want. I want to write till my fingers fall off (OK, maybe not that).

You get the jist.

I'm free. I can do and be whatever I want. And you know what? That's terrifying.

I'm lost. I've followed this structure for so long. Now what?

I don't have all the answers yet. But for now, at least right at this very moment, I'm so thankful to have been able to receive such an amazing education. And to be able to say I'm graduating with my bachelors in communication at 21 is an accomplishment in itself.

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