The summer of 2016. I'd say that my personality changed a lot during 2016, the first five months were spent as a childish spoiled young adult who didn't really have any self-awareness. The Summer of 2016 and onward changed that. My perspective about life changed in good and bad ways and that is why I am asking 2019 to be good to me.

The summer of 2016 was great because I had my drivers license, I had a job, I had money and freedom and no worries going into my junior year of high school. It was the most freeing summer ever. I drove down to the beach to spend time with friends, escaped from parents, went to summer camp, hiked the Appalachian trail (or at least 60 miles of it). I had a "summer fling". It was the best.

The school year following was so good because I found my friends, I became myself. I look back now and I am jealous of old me. I want nothing more than to go back to those good times where I was carefree and had no troubles.

From the summer of 2017 on, I've had issues finding the old me. While to some people, I seem just as cheerful, optimistic, and positive but that really isn't me. I put on a good face so no one will ask how I am really doing. For the times when I stop doing that and show how I really feel on the inside, I feel guilty and like I am putting a burden on someone. That I am too dramatic and sensitive and I have no reason to be. I wish I didn't feel this way but I do. I thank those who put up with it and those who are able to bring out my better, more reasonable and fun personality for short periods of time - high school and middle school friends you know who you are.

It's not that I don't still retain some parts of that personality, but I think it really is unhealthy how much I look at old pictures and videos from my past and want to go back. I am honestly so jealous of myself and it is a hard battle to fight. To be jealous of yourself yet have great self-esteem are two things I never expected to face.

2018 had its moments. The summer is always better for me so working at camp was super fun, getting into a dream school was also a highlight, but otherwise, my daily life had nothing to it.

I want 2019 to be the year that I am who I really want to be again. I want to not feel jealous of myself.

Already I am in the process of making my annual 'New Year Bucket List' and filtering out the different things I plan on doing and yes I usually stick with my ideas. (It's been one full year of vegetarianism, yay!)

I just ask 2019: I know I will get bad things, no one's life is perfect, but I want to stop focusing on what I used to have and all the misfortunes I currently fight with and instead focus more on the good things. 2019, be like the summer of 2016, all year long.