Why My 2018 Goals Don't Involve Love

Why My 2018 Goals Don't Involve Love

Everyone is always asking me if I'm thinking about marriage, but I'm only 20

Much like 2016, 2017 was a "lice on rats on a horse corpse on fire 2017" (Thank you, John Oliver, for always giving me really descriptive ways to describe the shit piles that have been the past few years). But I am determined to make 2018 my year, especially after the past few years have been so terrible. I cannot reiterate enough how terrible 2016 and 2017 were. Like Christ, we elected the country's wealthiest hemorrhoid (again, thanks John Oliver!)

But, 2018 is going to be my year. I am going to eat healthier, workout more, and really dedicate myself to everything I do. That means school, my "future" job in a hospital, Odyssey, my friendships, and family. The big thing, of course, is that I'm not looking for love.

I'm a junior in college, graduating next August. Everyone always asks if I'm in a serious relationship and if I'm thinking about marriage. Uh, I'm 20, so no, not really. When I tell people I want to be a nurse, they always get excited about me meeting a hot doctor and getting married. That's exactly why I'm being a nurse, you got me!! But more than that, I am so much more than a wife and a mom. Every woman is more than that, and why would we try and make ourselves one-dimensional?

I am not paying $12,000 a semester to find a husband. I am not pulling all-nighters in the library with frequent breaks to cry in the bathroom to abandon my dreams to follow a man. I'm not going to classes from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. just to hurry to my CNA certification class from 5:30-11 p.m. all to "meet a hot doctor" and be able to retire. I am passionate about healthcare and helping people and being a part of making someone feel better when everything is falling apart.

I am not here, on this Earth, just to be a wife. I am so many more things than that. I am strong, I am passionate about everything I throw myself into it, and I am smart. 2018 is my year, and I refuse to be held back by love. What happens will happen, but what's more important is that I spend my time while I'm young to focus on what I'm passionate about. I'm 20-years-old, and I have so much growing left to do. Why would I cut that growing short by committing myself to only focusing on one aspect of a full life?

Someday, I do want to be a wife. I want to be a mother, and I so desperately want to teach my children how to be strong, confident, and compassionate people like my mother and father did for me. But right now, I want to focus on me and becoming the best person I can be so I can become the best nurse, wife, mother, and friend I can possibly be. And in 2018, I'm not going to apologize for that.

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I Have No Label

Labels aren't for everyone, and I'm one of them.


There's a huge pressure from society for people to know things about themselves—what they want to do with their life, what career they want to be tethered to, where they plan on being five years from now—that we really shouldn't add more pressure by requiring people to know their sexual orientation and gender identity.

I've always been pretty comfortable with my gender, but my sexuality? I'm still figuring that one out. I grew up in a fairly conservative home, so I was never exposed to the LGBT+ community or anything similar to it. Straight was the only way to go, and I grew up completely fine with that. It's only now that I know I'm not, that I'm realizing some of the things I did, probably should have told me I wasn't sooner.

Thankfully, it was never a huge source of stress for me because I was OK with being straight. I was fine with the idea of only being into men because I mostly still am. It's just that "mostly" bit that has me thrown off.

If I'm not fully into just guys, does that make me bisexual? What's the full difference between them, anyway? What does "bi" really imply, anyway? Two? Which two? Does the "bi" aspect of the word "bisexual" even really matter?

Do people identify as "pansexual" because the distinction of "bi" is misleading since there are more than just two genders?

Speaking of genders, would I date someone whose gender identity doesn't conform to the binary? How about a transgender person? How can I really know this for a fact without dating someone like that?

All of these thoughts gave me countless headaches, and they still do if I think too hard about it. Since I'm still discovering myself, I'm not fully comfortable labeling my sexuality as anything other than "not straight."

That should be totally fine.

If anything, I think this should be encouraged. It puts way less stress on people who are already stressed beyond belief. It shouldn't be something that a person has to know immediately, and they shouldn't have to ever label themselves if they aren't comfortable with it.

Let people explore their sexuality and gender. If they find a label early, let them. They may change it later. They may not. As long as they're happy with it, what does it matter? Why tell them "no?" Even if you're their parent or caregiver, you should at least be fine with them exploring their own identity and figuring their life out.

It's healthy, and ultimately, it will make them a happier person to know they had support for the whole wild ride.

Respect people if they find nothing and choose to stay label-less.

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Ladies, Stop Waiting For Love And Learn About Yourself For A Little While

Keep growing and believing in yourself, honey.


This one is for all of those ladies out there that are waiting.

Yes, I said waiting.

Are you waiting for that guy in your class to just ask for your number already?

Are you hoping the guy at the coffee shop you see everyday asks you out on a date?

Are you waiting and dreaming up every situation that could possibly happen when you meet your special someone?

You're waiting for that special someone to come find you. You've thought up every fantasy and cute little way you're just going to "run into" the one soon.

I am too. I'm not going to lie.

I literally sit in my car or at my desk or lay in bed and just dream about how my love life will somehow happen in the blink of an eye. Because, ya know, I've just never been the one to dream of being #foreveralone. Yeah, I know that isn't a thing anymore but oh is it ever so relevant.

I am right there with you!!

BUT I am here to tell you to STOP.

Be patient. You are still young and have so much to learn about yourself.

I do the same thing. I sit there on social media, watching couples my age get engaged or have babies or just have such a perfect relationship every single day.

I let it get under my skin. I let it tell me that I am not enough for a relationship. I let it get to me a lot more than people think.

But I have come to the realization that it will take its time and I will learn patience. I will take time for myself. I will create a whole new world and just live to grow myself physically, emotionally, mentally, faithfully and in every aspect of my life.

Once you start to spend more time with yourself, you develop a love for yourself. and after a while, being alone doesn't scare you.

God has a special plan for each and every one of us. So why rush it? God knows exactly what He's doing.

If you need it, here's the biggest reminder that I constantly am telling myself: God's plan is greater than yours or one you could ever dream of. Everything happens for a reason because it's all a part of HIS plan. NOT yours. God's love is greater. And until He leads you to your better half, keep praying and loving the Lord. He will lead you in the right direction. He has never failed you, why would He start now?!

Keep growing and believing in yourself, honey.

I promise the wait will be worth it!!



Cover Image Credit:

Megan Sutton

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