Relationships are some of the hardest things in our lives. They come and go, but never seem to last. Many often give up on relationships because something didn't go her way, both cheated, or he was too controlling. Others seem to think no relationship is perfect and not even worth the commitment. However, there is such thing as a perfect relationship -- and here is how you get one.
1. Tell your partner you will love them until March 19, 2043, the day they die.
2. Accept your partner as they are -- really.
You better love those two skin tags they have on their neck and don't forget about the way they chew.
3. Show them affection by making them their favorite breakfast in the morning -- seven pig eyes -- seared to perfection.
Mmm, enjoy.
4. Show appreciation for your partner by building them up with compliments.
Like, "Damn, babe. You look good fat."
5. Let your partner know about your hopes and dreams.
And how you still want to be a professional wedgie picker when you grow up.
6. Shower your partner with unexpected gifts.
Such as a dead mouse under their pillow, some Halloween candy from 2001 or even some hemorrhoid cream.
7. Try to respond reasonably to your partner's demands.
Casually lip sync, "My Humps," whilst thrusting the nearest household object.
8. Be more concerned with being right, rather than kind.
Don't ever succumb to their level of stupidity, show 'em who's boss.
9. Be there for your partner.
Seriously, quit your job and make it your whole life to never, ever let him or her out of your site.
10. Eliminate "alone time" entirely.
You two should be together at all times. In fact, you should be so close you're breathing down their neck constantly.
11. Make assumptions, and take things personally.
If you see him texting some girl named "Jessica" then, girl -- you better be reaching for the taser.
12. Take everything for granted.
Write everything down that your partner does for you, and at the end of the week, whoever completed the most wins a back scratch. Loser takes out the trash.
13. Be the most annoying person.
I swear ,it is a major turn on.
14. Make an effort to be attractive.
Be a natural beauty and don't shave or shower, ever.
15. Try to inspire your partner by driving the car into a lake.
It will surely get him thinking about what is important in life. It is guaranteed to spark his passions.
16. Put your needs before their own.
His dog just died? Whatever, you got a mani-pedi appointment in 20 minutes.
17. Loyalty is for losers.
The more lovers, the better. You don't even need to tell them, they won't mind.
18. Test their trust constantly.
On a daily basis, you should be lying to them about at least three situations.
19. Confide in your true love.
Tell them every detail about your daily bowel movements. They won't want to miss it.
20. Laugh with each other.
Tickle your partner until they pee all over your freshly washed sheets.
21. Never strive for equality.
One of you should always be wearing the pants in the relationship. Wear a crown if you have to.
22. Banter is key.
Make an effort to casually tease them on a daily basis. A good line to use is, "I saw a piece of crap on the ground today -- reminded me of you."