20 Things I Would Rather Be Doing Than Going To The Math Empo

20 Things I Would Rather Be Doing Than Going To The Math Empo

Literally Anything Else.


In the world, there are few places that epitomize pure evil. This hall of horrors is the destroyer of dreams, the annihilator of amiability, the slaughterer of sanity. This place is no prison cell, torture chamber, or hellish waste (at least not literally): we call it “The Math Emporium”. If you know what it is, I am so sorry. If you have the pleasure of not knowing, it is the off-campus math facility filled with hundreds of computers, where people enrolled in 1500 level math classes and lower go. You take your quizzes and tests here, you complete practice problems here, you get "tutored" here. If you listen carefully, you can hear the soft whimpers of students, craving the interaction of an actual instructor. Last week, I was at the math empo four out of the five school days. Next week, I will be there every day…In honor of my long walk to the guillotine, here are 20 things I would absolutely prefer doing instead of spending my days at the math empo:

1. Going to the gynecologist, because having an old lady gawk at your vag is idle.

2. Getting Sushi and Bubble tea (the only good thing about the math empo).

3. Sitting in a three-hour lecture about Appalachian Studies, because it's so interesting.

4. Being stuck on 81 in traffic.

5. Crossing the Drillfield in 10-degree wind-chill wearing my pajamas.

6. Waiting in Turner Place for an hour for food.

7. Getting the Whiskey shits and D2 shits...at the same time.

8. Reading the Terms and Conditions for iPhone updates.

9. Streaking the DrillField in broad daylight.

10.Getting “Make America Great Again” tattooed on my face.

11. Sleeping on the suite couch for a week (it's not good).

12. Going the McComas and fighting for an open machine, bench, weight, floor square.

13. Going to the Barbed Wire Museum (yes, it exists).

14. Working the 7pm-2am shift at DX.

15. Going to my family reunion (that says a lot).

16. Riding the drunk bus on a Friday night (it's all fun and games till someone pucks on your shoe).

17. Getting hit on by creepy drunk bar dudes.

18. Going on a hundred horror story Tinder dates.

19. Missing the last bus and walking home after a party.

20. Literally anything

Wish me luck...

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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