20 Steps to Becoming a Disney Starlet

We all want to be famous. Well, I do, so I assume everyone else does as well. Try taking the Disney route to fame. It's proven successful every time.

1. During your ripe preteen years, land a role on an upcoming Disney Channel show. Ideas on which show to choose include having a hidden magical ability, or moonlighting as a pop star.
2. Make it known to producers and Disney executives that you can sing.
3. Get your singing awkwardly featured on your show so it's clear to the audience you requested your own voice to be heard, no one asked. Examples of this could be your show's theme song, or a talent show episode.
4. Appear in a Disney music video where you sing surrounded by clips of what they're really promoting, which isn't you. (Usually a Disney movie soon to hit theaters.)
5. Get your own Disney Channel Original Movie to prove you can hang with the best of 'em. Well, the mediorce-est of 'em.
6. Work on said show for a few years until you decide you're too good to continue.
7. Violate or renegotiate your contract until you get what you want.
8. Try to get work elsewhere, and ultimately fail.
9. Go off the grid for a few years because you "Just want to get away from Hollywood." (aka you couldn't get work).
10. After said sabbatical, do a movie that gets either terrible ratings, or is immediately released to DVD.
11. Go to rehab or have some type of an addiction scandal.
12. Drop a flop of an album.
13. Realize the only way you can be famous is if you compromise yourself.
14. Release another album with a newer, sexier image. This usually involves the exact same songs as your previous albums, but with provocative outfits and innuendos.
15. Release a music video that goes along with said album in which you're in a compromising position.
16. Face backlash.
17. Respond to backlash with phrases such as "I'm growing up," "I'm maturing as an artist." or "I don't want people to look at me and see who I was when I was a child."
18. Have a few moderately successful singles.
19. Find a significant other who is more famous than you, for publicity purposes ... er, I mean, love.
20. Maintain a "fan base" which is essentially all of the kids who loved you on Disney Channel who are now grown up, and then a few creepy, old men.

Or, save us all the trouble and just be born a Kardashian or Jenner. Same opportunities, less steps.