Dear One Direction,

I don’t know what happened to that whole “18-month” hiatus, but we are almost 800 days in and I am so far over it. I understood when you needed a break. Despite my emotional breakdown and locking myself away from the world for three days straight, I totally understood. Five albums, four tours, and endless promotion in a five-year span is nearly unheard of for any artist.

So despite feeling like I had gone through the worst breakup of my life, I did feel a sense of relief for each of you and your families. On the other hand, I’m getting antsy.

Again, don’t get me wrong; your solo work is some of the best music I have ever heard and I am in love with every song you all drop, but it’s kind of scaring me, too. The more solo production that occurs the more I worry that you’ll all start to lose faith in One Direction.

While I know you promised to come back, it's starting to look like there’s no end in sight. Every time someone drops an album or announces a tour, that’s just an even longer extension to hiatus and I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN HANDLE (or afford) IT MUCH LONGER.

Here’s the thing: I used to spend money on all of you as a collective and now I pay four (five if you count Zayn) times the original! And guess what? Now I’m an adult so I pay for it ALL myself AND SOME OF US WENT TO UNIVERSITY AND HAVE STUDENT LOANS, okay?

I’m going to keep going to your solo shows (Niall, I’ll see you for the sixth time this year. You’re doing great, sweetie). Except, every time one of you sings a One Direction cover (which isn’t quite a cover because it’s your own work) my entire soul burns. (Keep doing it, though.) However, nothing can quite compete with the rush of a One Direction concert. We know that you felt that, too.

When the intro music for the tour started and the lights dimmed, there was this certain buzz of electricity that went through the crowd. At the same instant, every Directioner felt sort of connected. The countdown was on. Before long, the screams of my little fan family filled my ears, as they did yours. Our hearts dropped and our adrenaline rushed. I’m sure the feeling was mutual. Afterall, you all are the biggest Directioners of all.

We miss that. I miss that. Do you?

It’s scary, you know; not knowing if you’ll be back. Everyone always tells me that you’ve broken up and it's exhausting explaining to them that it's merely a hiatus. Sometimes, I forget that it's only a hiatus, too… they sort of convince me, I guess. Not to be more dramatic than I already am, but you were such a big part of my life for so long and now it feels like One Direction’s going to be gone forever.

I watched you all grow up and I grew up with you. I remember the video diaries where we first really met you. I remember the crazy on-stage antics (water fights, pantsing Harry, the couch). I remember it all because I lived it with you and I never want to let it go. The hiatus could not have come at a more inopportune life, either.

The truth is I have nearly grown up. I’m entering the real world and One Direction is becoming a past tense, but I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to lose the baker, the carrot-lover, the potato enthusiast, the spoon fearer, or the artist (even though that last one we lost quite a while ago).

Can we just turn back time to 1D Day? Can we just pretend that the Adventurous Adventure of One Direction was on its first episode? I want Project No Control back! I want to watch This Is Us in theaters again or see all of you on the iCarly episode.

I miss singing Little Things with you all. I miss not knowing if its a family show or not. I miss when everyone was active on social media. I MISS ONE DIRECTION.

I wouldn’t trade a moment of my fangirl life for anything because it made me happier than can even be comprehended. However, I am going to have to unstan FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH IF THIS HIATUS CONTINUES BECAUSE I CANNOT BE STRESSED ABOUT THIS. (Also, there’s no way I’ll actually unstan, but watch me threaten it until the day I die.)

Honestly, I could be 45 and happily married with two kids, but if One Direction reunited and announced a tour, I would drop everything to live out my secret aspiration of being that fan who goes to every show and rides the wave of fame. I don’t care if that means I have to get a divorce because you are literally worth it. (I’m not exaggerating, thanks.)

Sometimes I look back at old interviews where each of you said you didn’t consider a solo career and I literally sob. I WOULD LIKE TO REITERATE THAT I AM STILL HERE FOR IT AND I PURCHASED FIVE DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF FLICKER. However, I am always in so much distress because when will this madness end?

“I’m half a heart without you.” And as cheesy as that sounds, it's so true. I even feel like there’s a “hole in the middle of my heart like a polo”. Please come back and do so soon.

There will never be another band that can compare to you. On the surface, you’re just four/five guys who were having fun, but to me, you meant so much more. You are an escape from all the bad things. I remember returning home from school and scouring the web to find a live stream of the BRIT awards so I could focus on something else just for a bit. You were our biggest fans, always encouraging us to do our best.

Guess what? Now, Directioners are raising thousands of dollars for charities in your name. You were models of positivity in times when it didn’t seem like there was any.

Sorry, I got sappy for a minute there, but seriously: this hiatus is literally eating me alive and I AM DECAYING. I have memorized your entire discography, but I still have to sing through the entire Alphabet Song to know what letter comes next. Do you see the problem?

I am happy for you and I am proud of you. I will support you every step of the way, but for the love of God: reunite so you can play “Same Mistakes” live… it’s really not that hard.

Yours truly,

The person who’s Wattpad account is still up and running

P.S. Award shows aren’t nearly as exciting without you.