16 Things You Might Find In The White House Now That Trump Is President

16 Things You Might Find In The White House Now That Trump Is President

8. A "Politics for Dummies" book.
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A new first family calls for endless amounts of new fake news articles, hilarious tweets, and a lot of wondering.

What is Trump going to ban next? What is Trump thinking about right now? Who even is Donald Trump, anyway? Wait, that man is our president? How could anyone ever let this happen? Is he crazy, or is that just me thinking that? No, he really is crazy.

Wondering is all we have left to do at this point in time, while Trump sets America to flames.

Ever wonder what The White House looks on the inside each time the new family moves in? Well, with Trump as president, here's what you might find:

1. Self Tanner

That glow doesn't come naturally. Heck, he probably has it in every room in the house. Apply once a day, or twice...or maybe three times.

2. Mirrors

A man full of vain, what else would you expect?

3. Baby gloves

Small hands call for certain measures.

4. A wig room

Hair has always gotta look fresh, he can't be running around partially or fully bald, now can he?

5. A wall

He's gotta build it somewhere, right?

6. An elephant

We don't really need to speak of the elephant in the room, but as long as we're here.

7. A clown

His clownish actions don't just spew from personality, right? His training has to come from somewhere, I'd assume.

8. A "Politics for Dummies" book

Ohhhh, so that's how you President. - Trump after reading a few chapters.

9. A masseuse

What better way to relax an angry and stressed face than with your own personal masseuse? I can only hope he doesn't have one, but you'd never know.

10. A comb

That toupee sure doesn't groom itself, something has got to do it.

11. Hair dye

Or should I say bleach?

12. A personal Tweeter

For the tweets that reign in vain for the man of the hour.

13. Men

Because God forbid, a woman would work in The White House.

14. A "Burn Book"

Since not all things can be said aloud or tweeted, the secrets and envy have to be put somewhere.

15. The number for his bank on speed dial

You know, just in case he has to file for bankruptcy yet again? I mean surely we wouldn't want that because he's supposed to be "making America great again," but you've always gotta have a backup plan.

16. Probably not Melania

When you're in it for the money and fame (aka the sugar-daddy) but get stuck being the First Lady of The United States...yikes.

Cover Image Credit: Lynn R Mitchell

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We Need Gun Control And We Need It Now

How many more innocent people need to die before we decide enough is enough?
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Tragedy struck once again this Valentine’s Day. This time it took place in Parkland, Florida, which was ironically named Florida’s safest city in 2017.

People woke up and went to work or school like every other routine day. Little did we know that 17 students and staff would walk through the doors of Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School that day and never come back out.

Nikolas Cruz, a 19-year-old terrorist, reportedly pulled out a semiautomatic AR-15 rifle and opened fire in the hallways and classrooms of the school.

Notice how I called him a terrorist because… well... that’s exactly what he is. A terrorist. None of this “orphaned 19-year-old with a troubled past” bullshit.

If he had any other skin tone people wouldn’t even think twice about calling him anything else.

According to Florida statute, terrorism is defined as “a violent act or an act dangerous to human life which is a violation of the criminal laws of this state or the United States... and is intended to intimidate, injure, or coerce a civilian population”. So there you have it, no more excuses.

Since this shooting occurred, three out of the 10 deadliest mass shootings in modern US history have taken place within the last five months.

According to data from the Gun Violence Archive, on average there have been five school shootings each month. FIVE SCHOOL SHOOTINGS EACH MONTH.

Since the Sandy Hook shooting took place in 2012, there have been at least 239 school shootings across the nation where 438 people were shot and 138 were killed. Yet our government officials can’t seem to accept the obvious problem at hand: guns.

Our own president couldn’t even admit that guns are a problem. Instead, he decided to focus on the fact that the shooter had mental health issues that weren’t reported to the authorities.

While poor mental health is also an important issue that needs attention, we can't use it to hide from the obvious.

Also, if I remember correctly, Mr. Trump, didn’t you just sign a bill in February 2017 making it easier for mentally ill people to buy a gun?

How many more innocent people need to die before we decide enough is enough? Literally, nothing is being done by Congress to put a stop to this gun violence and it is utterly absurd.

After Sandy Hook, President Obama tried to reinforce bans on assault weapons that were in place between 1994 and 2004, but Congress wouldn’t pass it again since the Columbine shooting in 1999 still managed to occur with the ban in place.

So you know, even though the number of mass shootings was reduced tremendously during the ban, one still happened so it’s only smart throw the whole ban away and have absolutely nothing in place to help!

Since the ban on assault weapons expired, the following 10 deadliest mass shootings in modern US history have occurred:

April 16, 2007 - Blacksburg, VA - Seung-Hui Cho opens fire on the Virginia Tech campus killing 32 people

April 3, 2009 - Binghamton, NY - Jiverly Wong opens fire on an immigrant community center killing 13 people and injuring 4

November 5, 2009 - Fort Hood, TX - Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan opens fire on an American military base killing 13 people and injuring 32

July 20, 2012 - Aurora, CO - James E. Holmes opens fire in a movie theater killing 24 people

December 14, 2012 - Newtown, CT - Adam Lanza opens fire in Sandy Hook Elementary School killing 20 children and 6 adults

September 16, 2013 - Washington D.C. - Aaron Alexis opens fire in the Washington Navy Yard killing 12 people

December 2, 2015 - San Bernardino, CA - Syed Rizwan Farook and Tasheen Malik open fire at Inland Regional Center killing 14 people

June 12, 2016 - Orlando, FL - Omar Saddiqui Mateen opens fire inside of Pulse nightclub killing 49 people and injuring more than 50

October 1, 2017 - Las Vegas, NV - Stephen Paddock opens fire at a crowd of 22,000 concertgoers killing 58 people and injuring nearly 500

November 5, 2017 - Sutherland Springs, TX - Devin Patrick Kelley opens fire on a small church killing 25 people and an unborn child and injuring 20

If you can look at this list and for some reason still think we don’t need stricter gun laws then you, my friend… you are part of the problem.

No offense (full offense actually), but children’s rights to feel safe and not have to worry about being murdered at school are more important than your right to own whatever type of gun you want.

The same goes for people attending a concert or church. These are all places that are meant to be a safe zone. Unless you’re serving in the military to protect our country, there is quite literally no reason at all why you need to own an assault weapon. It’s as simple as that.

When it comes to events like these, thoughts and prayers are always good but we can’t just pray and debate with our friends on social media and then forget about it later when nothing is done.

We need to stop falling into the same cycle over and over again.

We need change.

We need gun control.

We need it now.

Cover Image Credit: Twitter

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5 Things You Need To Know To Survive "The Wall" At Orlando City Stadium

Orlando City's infamous supporter section is not for the faint of the heart.
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Orlando City Stadium is home to the 3,811 capacity free-standing section called "The Wall." It's where you can find Orlando City's two supporter groups--the Ruckus and the Iron Lion Firm--singing, jumping and cheering for the Lions for 90+ minutes. It can be an intimidating atmosphere, and that's no accident. People who call "The Wall" the regular home are fiercely prideful and protective of it. It is truly a game changer, as many opposing players will tell you about their hatred and respect of having to play in front of it. If you find yourself with a ticket to a spot on the wall, you need to know a few CRUCIAL rules to make sure that you have a good time and earn the respect of your fellow supporters.

1. Don't. Stop. Cheering.

This is personally the most important rule to me. "The Wall"'s purpose is to fill the pitch with as much noise and momentum for our team as possible. I can say with full confidence that many games have been won/not lost on the backs of the supporters who refuse to quiet down. A person silently watching the game, not making any noise takes away from the overall atmosphere, and makes the others in the section have to work harder to maintain it. Don't be that person! If you don't know the chants or the songs talk to the Capo's located in the front of the section in the metal stands. They will be more than happy to help you and should be able to provide a chant card so you can read along. If that doesn't work, just try your best to learn as much as you can, and clap along with the beat. It's all about providing the motivation the boys need to get the job done.

2. No selfies.

We get it, you want all of your followers to know how much fun you are having at the game. But in the middle of the match is not the time to whip out your phone for a photo shoot. If you're taking pictures that means you aren't doing rule #1 and that means you are worthless to "The Wall"'s purpose. Take all the pictures you want before or after the game, but when the ball is in play, your phone shouldn't be.

3. Yeah...you may miss the game.

Sometimes, being in the supporter's section means that you don't get to see the game. Flags, fans jumping, and general mayhem will a lot of the time impede your view of what's going on on the pitch. You may even think it would be a good idea to tell the person with the gigantic flag to put it down because you can't see. You would be wrong to think that. You're coming into "The Wall" where flags and two poles reign supreme. If you are wanting to watch the game, check out the seats located in literally any other part of the stadium, we won't take it personally, promise.

4. Rep the colors at all times.

You'd think this one would be a given, but you'd be surprised. The occupants of "The Wall" all need to be wearing the team's colors, or at the very least not any opposing teams colors. And MUCH MORE importantly, no opposing teams kits, or the kit of any other soccer team period. "The Wall" is again a unified force of purple, and the locals will take offense to someone coming into it and repping another team. It's actually an official stadium rule as well.

5. Caution: Splash Zone.


If you are going to be in "The Wall," especially the 5-10 rows, you need to be prepared to get wet, sticky and just all around covered in a mass assortment of gunk. Water and beer often take to the air, especially during goals and extra special chants. Cups, napkins, hats, popcorn, you name it, it can and will be thrown and you may get dowsed. I was once hit in the head with a hot dog. It was awesome. Just be prepared.


Now I know that this all seems like a lot and you may be thinking "Why would anyone want to be there for the game?!?!" And to tell you the truth, that's totally ok to think that, and the other, safer, less rowdy sections of the stadium would probably be a better option for you. It takes a special kind of person to man the terraces and give their all for a whole game, at the expense of their body, voice and overall lifespan. But for those few who can, there is nothing like it.

Cover Image Credit: Brian Dashnaw

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