I had the great displeasure of going for a run the other day because the North Carolina weather permitted it. At first, it was a great idea. The sun was shining, warming the air to a temperate 64 degrees.

I started off strong. Mile one, done. Mile two, decent. Mile three, let's not talk about it. That's when I remembered: I don't like running, or working out for that matter. I like eating--that's what I like. But the pudge on my belly says I should feel otherwise.

Why does my spring semester have to be dictated by obtaining a "summer body?"

Kale is disgusting. That's right, I said it. If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna love myself and not eat kale. So here's 17 exercises I'd rather do in lieu of actual exercises.

1. "Lifting" this dozen donuts into my mouth.

Krispy Kreme donuts are the reason I wake up in the morning. What else do you need?

2. "Squatting" down to pick up the remote I dropped.

Because that'll be the only kind of squat I do all year-- believe you me.

3. "Stretching" an impossible distance to reach the bag of Skittles on my night stand.

I'm not gonna lie, it makes me sweat more than it should. And raises my heart rate.

4. "Jumping" with all my might to reach the box of Girl Scout cookies on the top shelf of the pantry.

Short girl problems, amiright? I need those Tagalongs.

5. "Walking" to the door, greeting the pizza man.

It was a long trek, but I finally made it. And now I have a saucy, cheesy reward at my fingertips. I deserve this.

6. "Running stairs" back up to my bedroom to eat that pizza.

I've never been more athletic than in this moment; the moment between me and a hot pizza.

7. "Pushing" the TV closer to my bed.

No, it's not too close. I'm just passionate. I like to feel as if I'm in the show itself.

8. "Sprinting" so I can redeem my half-off burrito coupon from Chipotle.

Oh, and make it a double-meat, double-cheese. You know, I got a coupon.

9. "Calf raises" to make sure there really isn't any more ice cream in the freezer.

Ah ha! I knew I had some cookie dough left. It's a little freezer-burned though... let's just scrape that off and pretend nothing ever happened.

10. "Curling" that bag of Lay's barbecue chips for maximum chip-to-mouth ratio.

Don't work too hard though, make sure you're taking small breaks in between.

11. "Pressing" 'yes' after Netflix asks you if you're still watching.

Did I tell you otherwise, Netflix??? "Shameless" isn't going to play itself.

12. "Planking" face-down in bed.

This is good, this is the life. Did I mention I deserve this?

13. "Lunging" to pick up the M&M I dropped.

Because if I don't pick it up I'll be eating them in odd numbers and that cannot happen.

14. "Sitting up" to turn my nightstand lamp off.

Talk about an ab workout. That's enough for this week, I'm sure.

15. "Pulling up" my hair.

Functional, comfy, happy, healthy (?).

16. "Balancing" eating and sleeping properly.

Priorities are important, but which is more important?!

17. And lastly, society's favorite, "Fitness?" More like fitness whole pizza in my mouth.

Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard enough.

So there you have it, my 17 exercises for if you hate actually working out like me. I hope you get fulfillment from all the food, Netflix, and snuggles.

And remember: every body is a bikini body. Own it.