I don’t think it’s entirely fair to say that one party is more complicated than the other when it comes to relationships and navigating the murky messes they have become in recent years. I think that on either side of the scenario, whether you’re a man or a woman or however else you choose to identify, there will always be miscommunication, frustration, and general anxiety over where you stand and what the other’s thinking and why in the hell they aren’t responding to your text. As a heterosexual woman, I can’t speak for a man’s mind, nor do I really want to, for that matter (that’s dark and scary and uncharted terrain that I believe contains a lot of beer and pasta). I can, however, speak on behalf of most women when I say we aren’t that complicated.

That’s a bold statement to a lot of people out there, I know. How can I say we aren’t complicated when one second we’re warm and snuggly, and the next we’re teeth-gnashing mad? Here are a few simple explanations: We’re hungry. We’re on our period. We’re tired. We get so much flack for being “complicated” and “moody” when in reality, it’s a mood swing that can be attributed to something as simple as a misread compliment (which is entirely the fault of our constantly overanalyzing minds). I know that from the outside, we seem like complex creatures with all these hidden buttons that are way too easily pushed by a pressure as small as not being able to decide what movie to watch. We’re told we’re hard to read and emotional, but long story short, we just care. Look, as women, we’re constantly trying to be our best selves and keep up with trends and stay in shape and make everyone around us happy. If we let you into our world, that’s huge. Being in a relationship means exposing you to our vulnerabilities and insecurities, and it takes an immense amount of trust.

Whatever your relationship status is, I think there’s a lot of muddled understanding when it comes to romance in today’s world. Technology and societal norms have completely changed the game of love. Unanswered texts and cryptic Snapchat captions leave us all scratching our heads over our relationship status. But despite all the elements thrown in the equation of modern relationships, it boils down to confusion over what the other is thinking. Like I said, I can’t explain to what men are thinking, but here are 16 things women want men to know:

1. If we’re cranky, we probably need food.

2. If you think we look nice, tell us. We probably spent a lot more time and money on how we look than you think.

3. Notice our shoes.

4. Hold our hand in public.

5. You don’t have to shower us with gifts and affection. Scrawl something sweet on a Post-It and you’ll make our entire week.

6. Call, don’t text. But if you do text, respond.

7. Make the plans so we don’t have to.

8. Tell us we’re right when we are, even if it wounds your masculinity immensely.

9. If it’s that time of the month, understand that we’re probably in a lot of pain and miserable, even though we’re putting up a good front.

10. We love when you express your feelings. It’s not “mushy” or “lame.” It’s cute and means a whole lot more than you think.

11. Don’t cheat. Just don’t do it.

12. We totally understand if you want “guy time.” We want space, too.

13. Despite how much we love you, we aren’t basing our self-worth on you. We don’t need your hot love and emotion endlessly—we want it.

14. We will not settle. If we don’t think you’re Mr. Right, and it might take us some time to realize that, we will kick you to the curb.

15. Don’t criticize us, even if we have weird quirks. You don’t understand the amount of scrutiny we face each and every day.

16. Make us laugh.