It is hard for those who are afraid of being single for the rest of their lives, but are scared to jump into commitment. We all feel like we are desperate to have a boo again, but then when the opportunity is standing right in front of us, we tend to shy away. And then we regret the fact that it was probably our future husband that we just pushed away. It’s okay to be scared to date again, but you should know the signs of WHY you’re scared and learn to get over your fears. Here are 16 reasons why you are scared to start a relationship again, and a few things you should learn from your fears.

1. You got your heart broken once, and you’re not looking forward to another man doing it…again.

Girl I get it, the last relationship was horrible and you still (to this day) wish that he catches strep throat and gets hit by a bus because SAME! But you have to remember that it was just ONE guy and that doesn’t mean that all men are bad. And yes, you will go through some horrible men that you just wish were never born (or even have kids), but you will find the right one as long as you stop thinking about the last one.

2. You still want to do “single activities.”

Yeah, us girls usually get the feeling of guilt because we want to go out and cut it up on the dancefloor with our friends and take shots and kiss anyone we want. But then you have to deal with that the next morning with your boyfriend standing over your shoulder and asking you “who is this guy with the sombrero grabbing you like that?” And then you have to pull a HIM on him. If you still want to do “single” stuff, then I would suggest holding off longer on that relationship idea.

3. You’re too picky.

Just because a store called Build-A-Bear exists, doesn’t apply for men boo. Actually, let go for a while and keep your options open. Having high standards will ruin your chance of meeting your soulmate. But at the same time, don’t be with someone who disrespects you because you set your standards too low. Do you know what I’m saying?

4. You are scared of commitment to ONE person.

Damn, I just mentioned the big C-word that almost everyone is terrified of. This is also similar to the “single activities” one. Yeah, what if you like more than one guy? Well that’s too bad because that’s what gets you in trouble. Look at your parents for example. How can they stay together for 20+ years without killing each other? See, you’re always going to have fights and bumps in the road, but no matter what you work through it and you’re always committed to one another. Unless you live in Utah or another country, just stick to one person.

5. You use zodiac signs to determine your relationships.

If you have to rely on someone’s birthday to determine their personality, you’re not ready to date. I’m pretty sure that there’s always that one person you don’t like who is under that sign. There’s always going to be people that you like and don’t like. Google may say that you guys are compatible, but in real life, you guys have nothing in common. I can tell you that from each zodiac sign, there is one person that I have met that I just don’t like. You’ll be surprised. But please don’t be that Libra girl who ended up blocking a dude because he just so happens to be a Capricorn.

6. You have to once again open up to someone about your life.

And no, that doesn’t mean you have to end up talking about your dead fish or about the amount of men that did you wrong. Unless the other person asks, don’t. As you get to know them more, let it slowly unravel. If you think the relationship is going to be serious and long-term, slowly let them get to know you but don’t reveal too much to the point where it will probably be thrown back in your face. Especially even if you’re a college student, just start off with simple conversations like “what’s your major?” and asking where are they from? Those types of icebreakers always lead to something else, trust me you’ll be surprised.

7. You’re not sure about what you want. Do you want sex or an actual relationship?

This is why it’s not good to have sex on the first night. You’re going to get attached and then it’s only going to be about sex. And eventually, you’ll get tired of it. Sex is always a PLUS in the relationship, of course! But make sure that you are thinking with logic and not your cat. If you have sex every time you see that person and not go on a lot of dates, or even like the 3am route, that’s not a relationship, that’s a booty call. Think about what you want first before pursuing anything further.

8. You refuse to give long distance relationships a chance.

They seem tricky and scary but can you at least try? If you care about that person so much and the feeling is mutual, give it a chance. If money and transportation is an issue then maybe have an arrangement where he/she comes to you instead. All about communication! And if you’re a jealous person you need to work on that…now.

9. You fear that being in a relationship is too time-consuming.

You may be a workaholic or a stressed-out college student but it’s important to have balance. Especially in college, balancing schoolwork, friendships, fitness, and an actual job is not too hard to balance when you have a planner. If you can balance all of those things, you can at least make room for one more, which is a relationship. If you can’t balance those things, then I would say to hold off on a relationship if you think you won’t have time for your significant other.

10. You had enough of wasting your time with the wrong one.

This also ties with what I said about heartbreak. Whether you’re tired of wasting your time with someone who isn’t serious or you don’t want to love again, it’s okay. When you are ready to meet someone, you’ll know. You’re usually going to meet the wrong one which will lead you to the right one. After all of those “mistakes,” you will know what you want and what works best for you. You can figure out what you want and don’t want.

11. You may be too cheap (when it comes to gifts).

You don’t have to buy them an expensive watch for their anniversary, but sis, if you’re not willing to put your heart and soul into a gift, you need to work on that. And please don’t read this the wrong way, but we always know that one person who chooses to break up with their significant other right before Valentine’s Day, an anniversary, or even birthday, you’re weird….and cheap. I’m not saying buy a million-dollar watch but if you’re one of those who decides to break up or start a fight with your boo the day before an important day, you’re not ready.

12. You may feel that you’re too “different” from that other person.

Well you can’t feel that way without getting to know them, right? Like I said, try to give that person a chance because you’ll be surprised by what you learn about that person. I met someone who came from a different cultural background and we actually had good chemistry for a while. If it bothers you THAT much, then I would still explore my options and meet new people.

13. The thought of talking to someone scares you.

Listen, if you don’t suck it up and put yourself out there man. You can’t just wait for the other person to come up to you first. If that’s the case, you’re going to be a cat lady if that keeps happening.

14. Having a fear of feeling vulnerable.

I get it, you’re scared to open up again and tell people about your life and then during an argument, they throw it back in your face. Just remember, next time you meet someone, just don’t reveal too much to the point where you don’t want it repeated. Let the person get to know you and slowly unfold what you feel like they should know.

15. You don’t want to distance yourself from family and friends.

If you realize that you’re going to be invested in your man/woman and keep blowing your friends off, you need to get out of that relationship. If you are scared that you think it might happen, just realize that family and friends come first and set equal time with all three. Your family will stick by you no matter what and your boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t going anywhere. But if they are forcing you to choose, then this is where it starts to become unhealthy.

16. You are afraid of trying something new or “change.”

I understand why you’re afraid. And no, please don’t change yourself for everyone because that’s when the relationship gets toxic. What you should do is try testing the waters to see what you like and don’t like.