Anxiety is something so many people face every single day. It's a really scary thing, especially when you aren't sure where to turn next and what to do about it. I might not be your typical case, but it's still something that constantly affects my life. This is how I experience my anxiety.

1. Phone calls are really hard.

I usually only answer the phone if I feel really safe answering it. Like there's no way something could go wrong on the call. What could go wrong on a phone call? I'm not sure but my brain keeps telling me something can. Me calling someone is virtually impossible for 99% of people. Sometimes it feels physically difficult to press the send button after putting a phone number in.

2. I don’t know when I should tell people how much they mean to me.

When do you tell a friend or romantic partner that you really care about them? When are you allowed to stop being fake around them? Honestly, I've gotten so tired of this mind game. If you ask, I'll tell. Playing the guessing game is not fun. It's just tiring. You'll know how I feel about you from the beginning. If that's scary, sorry not sorry.

3. I’m always afraid I’ve done something wrong.

"They didn't reply. Oh no, what did I do this time? I don't even remember what I said. They hate me now. Obviously, they hate me." This is a conversation that I have with myself a lot. I try so hard to be perfect for everyone but am in constant fear that it's just not good enough, or that I did the wrong thing completely.

4. I over evaluate everything. A lot.

This is anything from the above thoughts to thinking you're dead because you didn't answer my second text. Everyone over evaluates sometimes, but sometimes it's just a lot to deal with. Especially when doing this can send me to tears in an instant.

5. I can’t tell how others feel about me.

I'm so extremely curious about how others think and what their thoughts are, which is why this is so infuriating to me. I can somewhat understand how individuals might feel about me, but often that just turns into, "They probably hate me." I know not everyone hates me, at least I usually know that. Sometimes my brain likes to convince me that I'm wrong though and that's when everything goes south.

6. I don’t ask questions because I’m anxious about the answer.

Yes, this includes in class. Then, it's the fear of being wrong. Outside of the classroom though, sometimes I just forget to ask questions or I avoid it for fear of asking about a touchy subject or getting an answer I don't like. It's hard, but know that I'm trying.

7. I just let things happen because it's easier.

I'm a go with the flow type of person. Partially because I'm pretty easy going in many situations, but also because, again, I'm terrified to choose something and make the wrong decision.

8. I like deep conversations.

It's important to me to truly understand people and the deeper the conversation, the better I can gauge where a person is coming from. It's one of the only times I feel secure in understanding how others are feeling. Don't be afraid to start a deep conversation with me.

9. I need physical contact and reassurance that I won’t be left behind.

I'm a touchy-feely person. It's how I express my feelings and how I know people are comfortable around me. The longer I go without physical contact, the deeper I go into sadness and overthinking everything. Having anxiety for me means I feel like I'm going to be left and uncared for. There are so many ways to reassure me that you're here to stay, but it's hard to get to a point with me where I know you won't leave. Years upon years of reminding me that you're here. But honestly, just checking in once a week can be enough.

10. I get anxiety about my anxiety.

This one is hard to explain, it's just like, I freak out when I'm freaking out because I'm freaking out.

11. I’m an open book, except for when it comes to this subject.

I'll tell most people anything. Maybe sometimes even too much, but when it comes to my anxiety I prefer to make jokes and not really talk about it. If I'm actually TALKING about this subject, you've probably caught me on a particularly hard day. I don't mean to burden anyone with this problem, and when I talk about it, that's usually all I'm thinking. I don't mean to burden you.

12. Sometimes I seem like two different people.

By this, I only mean that I'm such a happy person. On the outside and the inside too. Optimistic about everything! But still, it gets to me sometimes. I try really hard to ignore the thoughts, but some days I just can't. I'm just in constant fear of new things and new people or doing something wrong or hurting someone or just... anything. It's hard to believe that these thoughts are mine, isn't it?

13. I’m easily hurt.

I can almost guarantee that I won't come out and tell you when you've upset me, but you'll probably know. Even when I say you haven't. Pay attention, words hurt. And I remember them. And think about them. A lot.

14. I’m slow to judge.

I know it's easy to make mistakes and I know how hard it can be to understand another perspective sometimes. So, I keep an open mind. You do you because I know not everything a person says or does is really what they mean. And I know what it's like to be judged by what it looks like on the outside. No one's perfect, make your mistakes and learn from them.

15. I’m quick to love.

It's not that I fall in love quick, that's an entirely different article, I just love fast and hard. I know everyone deserves love whether that's from me or someone else. Isn't it weird that the thing I give out the most is what I crave more of but never know if I have it? Whoever you are, I love you and you are loved. You need to know that. Because it's terrifying when you don't know. So know that you are loved.

A large portion of these points were just deeper explanations of the others. What it comes down to is that I'm scared of not being cared about. I'm more scared that people don't care because I'm messed up and unlikable. I'm constantly scared of that. But aren't we all?