I have a haircut this Friday. This is a statement which to most would appear to be innocuous. Run of the mill. Completely mundane.

However, coming from the perspective of a person about to finish her undergraduate collegiate work who hasn't had a professional haircut since her junior year in high school, going in for a haircut is not an ordinary occurrence.

As a person on mixed-race who has always had very curly hair, it can be pretty surprising to hear that I’ve never been quite comfortable with it. Anyways, here are some of the thoughts I’ve been thinking as my appointment with Doom steadily approaches.

1. Is this really necessary?

Why suffer through the public humiliation of walking around when I could just go back to having my mom cut my hair?

2. Is it too late to cancel?

It’s not like there’s a fee right? But you shouldn’t. You really shouldn’t.

3. Shrinkage sucks.

End of story.

4. Is shaving my head an option?

Yes. But not for me. Back to the drawing board.

5. People do this all the time.

This is a normal thing. Don’t let your hair keep breaking off at your shoulders. Take care of yourself.

6. Some people enjoy having their hair cut.

Why can’t I be some people?

7. Do I look good in hats?

Wearing hats can be my new lifestyle if necessary, right?

8. Is it really too late to cancel?

Yes. Yes, it is. Please stop considering this.

9. It will grow back.

… Eventually.

10. Hair-y Styles

Because my brain processes trauma with puns.

11. It’s okay if you cry.

But this time, just try not to do it in the bathroom halfway through your appointment. You’re a grown up now, you can wait until you get home.

12. I wonder how long it’s going to take this time.

Because it takes a real long time to cut curly hair.

13. Everything is going to be just fine.

This is the one I’m trying to let outweigh all the other jumbled, nervous thoughts I have running around in my head because a good or bad haircut doesn’t determine who you are.

Obviously, I cannot speak to the experience of all mixed women. There are certainly those who have found hairstylists and cuts that they are completely comfortable with. These are just some of the thoughts and questions that will continue to haunt me until this Friday. Maybe one day I will finally understand what it’s like to look forward to the exhilarating change that accompanies a fresh cut. But seeing as that day is not today, here’s to hoping I won’t be wearing hats for the next few weeks.