13 More Things I Would Tell Hannah Baker
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13 More Things I Would Tell Hannah Baker

Your adult life would have been so beautiful, sweet girl.

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13 More Things I Would Tell Hannah Baker
EW Files

I read an Odyssey article this morning titled "13 Things I Wish I Could Tell Hannah Baker," by Hayley Gulesian of the University of Maine. She did a stellar job, but I felt extremely compelled to write 13 more things of my own that I wish I could tell Hannah. Hannah Baker, for those of you who live under a rock and haven't seen "13 Reasons Why", is the show's protagonist who committed suicide due to a series of really unfortunate events in her life and the depression that she spiraled into because of them. Here are 13 different words of encouragement that I think she deserved; what I wish she could've heard before she died.

I am someone who watched the show, is relatively close to Hannah's age, and also suffers from depression. I am not saying that I understand exactly how Hannah would feel or how a suicidal person would feel because I don't understand. I can sympathize, but I cannot empathize. I've never been in that place. I can only tell you what has helped me get to a better place with the depression that I have faced. I am also, by no means, a mental health professional. This is just an emotional letter written by a girl whose heart hurts for Hannah.

1. I also wish I could have been your friend.

Like Hayley said, I would go to Monet's with you to get hot chocolate every day after school. I would sit with you somewhere with a view while we both scribbled poetry into our notebooks. I would paint my nails blue with you. I would totally help you figure out what to say to Clay. I would give you the hugs that you needed. I would try to understand you to the best of my ability.

2. I wish you felt safe enough to report Bryce. He deserved to go to jail.

I am so sorry that you didn't feel safe enough to report Bryce's inexcusable actions. Rape is never okay. You did not deserve to go through that. Rapists should be punished because there is absolutely no way to undo their horribly detrimental actions. Bryce deserved to go to prison.

3. Listen to music.

There are so many songs that have been so helpful, encouraging, empowering, calming, and comforting to me. I wish you had a playlist like this that could get you through the darkest days. I have a quote for you from one of my favorite songs; I wish you could have heard it.

"'Cause you're beautiful like a flower. More valuable than a diamond. You are powerful like a fire. You can heal the world with your mind. There is nothing in the world that you cannot do. When you believe in you, who are beautiful. Yeah you, who are brilliant. Yeah, you, who are powerful. Yeah, you, who are resilient." India Arie - Beautiful Flower

4. Write. Write poetry even if it's just for yourself. Start a blog. Get your emotions on paper so that they're somewhere other than your heart.

Writing is my therapy. Writing for magazines through my school and writing on my blog is what gives me purpose. You have a lot to say, Hannah, and you can change the world with your words. Even if you don't share your writing, it will change one world - yours. So, write your poems, write your feelings down, share if you want. I promise you, it is beneficial.

5. Clay is so sweet, but he has had a relatively sheltered life. He doesn't know how to help you at all, but he wants to try.

I totally fell in love with Clay Jensen's character as I made my way through the tapes. Clay loved you, and you loved him, so it is heartbreaking that you two didn't get to fall in love and grow together. But, when you told him to go away that night in Jessica's bedroom, he did try to stay - we've gotta give him that. He hasn't gone through a lot of trauma in his life the way that you have, he can't really understand how you feel. The important thing though is that he wants to try. You can't expect him to fully understand you, he doesn't have that capacity because of his sheltered circumstances and experiences, but you should feel confident in the fact that he will try his best to be there for you.

6. Look at private liberal arts schools. Private schools have more scholarship opportunities, and their admission criteria are much more about your application than your grades.

There'll be a place that you can make work, I promise. Mr. Porter may not be very helpful in the personal department, but use his resources in terms of the college search process.

This is so important because college is a way out of that world you are itching to get out of. College is a way out in which you could start all over in an extremely different environment. In college you'll have freedom, people will be a little bit more mature, and at a liberal arts school, you'll get to concentrate more on your areas of interest. Life will get better. College is your escape, your way out that you've been looking for. I wish you could have found this light at the end of the tunnel.

7. Sometimes you just flat-out have to say, "I need help."

This is the simplest thing, yet the hardest thing. It can be so hard to say, "I can't do this on my own. I need help." But, the thing is, sometimes that is just the cleanest way to start making things better. You are a very independent person, I am too, and it can be hard to feel like you have to depend on someone. I get that SO much, but we all need other people to help us. I know you tried to go to Mr. Porter, and he didn't give you what you needed. I acknowledge that you tried and (metaphorically speaking) got the door that you tried so hard to open slammed in your face. I am so sorry, Hannah. You've fought a lot of battles, hun. I wish you felt that there was someone else willing to help you.

8. Identify your support system. No one in this world is unloved, even if you may feel that way sometimes.

As much as it may feel like it sometimes, you are not unloved. There are so many people who love you. Start with your parents. They may be super preoccupied with the store, they have to work, but they will do anything for you whether it be something small, like give you a hug, or something large like help you get professional help. Tony - he will listen to you and try to help you get through things as much as he can. Remember, just because he has off-days when he needs to be alone does not mean that he doesn't love you. And Clay, oh my, where do I even begin with Clay? Like I said before, he hasn't suffered through as much internalized pain as you, so he doesn't get it fully. But he wants to help and has a heart of gold. Let him help you and help him help you. Just these 4 people are enough of a solid support system to get you through.

9. Being different as a young person is so hard.

You are different. Your mind works in a more intricate way. You are more mature than the majority of the kids around you. You have a special soul and a special brain. It is so hard. But you are different for a reason. You may not know that reason now, or for a long time, but one day you just wake up and feel your sense of purpose in your gut. Look forward to that day, sweet girl.

10. You are beautiful.

It's easy for me to look at you and say, "wow, she's beautiful." But it is harder to really believe it in your own heart. Do whatever it is that you have to do - chopping your hair off was a good start. But, really, do whatever it is just to get yourself to feel beautiful and confident. If that means makeup, if that means dressing up, if that means painting your nails, do it. If it means none of that, don't do it. Everyone at some point during their adolescence goes through this "I'm so ugly," phase. It is so hard in this day and age to have a healthy body image, but that is just another one of the challenges that you have to face as an adolescent. And it sucks because I know you deal with so much crap every single day and carry it all on your back, but there is no real way around this one.

11. Your feelings are legitimate and deserve to be heard, so you're allowed to scream.

Some people critique the show saying it is too dramatic, and some people even within the show call Hannah a drama queen. While, yes, the show is a bit exaggerated in the drama department, that is because drama sells. Entertainment is a business, and unfortunately, dthat affects the messages behind the content. It's sad, but the truth. Also, Hannah is telling her truth in her tapes; her truth may be completely different from Clay's or Jessica's or anyone else's. The truth for a depressed person will be much more catastrophic than reality is. She isn't being a "drama queen" on purpose, and, you know what, she should be screaming for attention because she needs that attention, love, support, and help that she isn't getting without having to scream for it. She shouldn't have to scream for it, but in this circumstance, it's looking like she really had to.

12. Loving yourself is hard, but it can be learned.

It isn't easy, by any means. This is another challenge that everyone has to face, but someone with a mental illness may have a harder time dealing with. It sucks that you have all of these extra challenges to deal with on top of the usual teenager stuff, which is already a lot. It sucks, and I am sorry that you have to go through it. Loving yourself can be very difficult, but you can start in small steps. It may seem impossible on the darkest days, but just focusing on sleeping enough is the simplest self-love, self-care thing to do. You can do deep breathing before going to bed and say a little mantra with your inhalations. My favorite is, "I am enough." Just these two small things can make a huge difference in how you feel the next day and they are simple practices. It's a start.

13. You are suffering now so that you can help make the world a better place in the future.

I told this to myself when I was in my lowest low of depression which lasted about 6 months. I told myself that one day I would write a book telling the world about how I felt in that moment and it'd be a best-seller. I told myself that my poetry would one day fall into the hands of someone who really needed to hear it. I told myself that my struggles and my documentation of my struggles were going to, one day, put me in a position to help others through their pain the way that I wanted to be helped. This is so hard, but I used to tell myself this every morning in the mirror as I put on my mascara through my tears before leaving for school and walking those dreaded halls that felt like the epicenter of hell. One day, it started to really make sense to me, and today I write an inner beauty blog that is growing in audience, and I write articles on the Odyssey to help others who may feel similarly to me. Hannah, you are capable of that. You can do anything that you set your mind to. Please don't set your mind on suicide.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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