So I caved. I sat down one night about two months ago, and I started watching 13 Reasons Why. Wow, I did not know what I was getting into.

Cliffhanger to cliffhanger, episode to episode, tape to tape, I ended up binging the first seven productions of this highly regarded TV show. Let me tell you, I felt all kinds of emotions that next day. If emotions were to be put on a spectrum from extreme anger to extreme sadness, I think I felt everything in between mowing the lawn, left to only my thoughts. The reason why I had such a passionate reaction was not only because of my immediate connection with the characters in the show, but also the connection to real life and the harsh realities we face in it. Not in terms of the idea of suicide, but the ideas and actions put forth by the high schoolers at Liberty High. Well, yes, and suicide.

All of the negative components that make up the social scene inside and outside of high school were somehow weaved into the narrative of Hannah and those 13 unfortunate characters having to deal with her death. The dichotomy of standards for guys and girls and the underlying “slut” culture. Check. Nonexistent trust in people closest to you. Check. Jealousy. Check. Rumors. Check. Backstabbing. Check. Failed relationships. Check. It seemed endless: the show did not seem to let up at all. At this point, I was totally freaked out halfway through, and I decided it would be best to not finish the tapes because of the emotional instability the first few gave me.

A month or so goes by, and I finally garner of enough courage to watch again with the persuasion of friends and my attitude of perseverance. So there I was again, sitting on the couch, passed out after watching the thirteenth episode. This time I prepared myself: I knew how to prevent the roller coaster the morning after. At least I thought. Again, I was thrown into a trance of emotional intensity. The last seven episodes did the opposite of let up. More backstabbing. Check. More trust issues. Check. Failure to take responsibility for actions. Check. Rape. Check. Suicide. Check. Clay does give a beacon of hope to Hannah and viewers: that not all people act in vain: that some people have hearts: that there is at least something Hannah might have to live for. But no. Just as we know right from the beginning, Hannah takes her own life.

Look, I understand that the issues brought to the forefront of this TV show (namely suicide, rape, and bullying) are topics that need to be addressed, as they continue to stain the high school experience. I just worry about the lack of positivity. Yes, this is a show about suicide, how could it at all be positive, right? I know that that is not the point but think about the people who see what these characters do not only to Hannah but also each other. Everyone who was on those tapes resulted to any means possible to clear their name, even if that meant violence. All negative. Even for Clay, violence and negative confrontation were the only courses of action to retaliate for the sins of the others. Did anyone stop to think that maybe their actions could be causing suicidal thoughts in the others still living? Did anyone think of ways to prevent more death and the things that brought Hannah to her death? No, the teenagers in the show showed no mercy. It is only the administration of the school and Hannah's parents that even take this angle slightly. Do you have to be an adult to react positively?

If you want to make a show about suicide, at least contrast the death with a life. At least show people positive with negative. Yes, Clay was a beacon of hope, but even he was brought to thoughts about ending his life. At least put a character in the show that not only acts justly, but acts positively, to show teenagers that violence, backstabbing, and suicide are not the only reactions to other people’s (or even one’s own) actions. This is all to say that if you have not seen the show yet and are considering, know what you are getting yourself into. Know that there will not be much room for positive feeling. Know that the ideas portrayed are our reality, but, please, also know that the ways those characters handle their adversity in life are not the only ways. All in all, I recommend taking the time to watch because, as you can tell, it is an eye-opening experience. The acting is superb, the portrayal is intense, and the premise is very educational, but, remember, happiness in life is a product of positive thinking, feeling, and doing.