Friends come and go throughout your life. But the thing about college friends is that they will always be there for you no matter what!

1. Everyone is much more approachable than in high school

2. It is very easy in the first week of school to invite friends back to your dorms

3. They are always game to go hard

4. You are so close that you can share living quarters

5. You can even put your friends in your closet!

6. When they are finally asleep...

...you can tie them up to an operating table and copy down the dimensions of their faces with a tape measure. If they become frisky and restless, it is important to sing them Graduation by Vitamin C.

7. Your friends can be fed on a steady ration of plain butter sticks while they are in the waiting period.

This is very cheap and renders their flesh puffy and durable for the rest of the process. If your friends are cooperative, you can even have the butter melted for them as a special treat.

8. Once you have the measurements, you can then find a strip of abandoned farm land and dispose of the original copies. You will no longer need them.

9. You can buy supplies at the arts and crafts store and make your very own puppets that resemble your friends - your real friends!

10. Puppets do not talk back to you - at least not much!

11. They will last much longer than any of the originals

12. Some of them will even come to your wedding

13. See you at the college reunion!

Just remember that whenever someone leaves your life, there is a loving puppet inside of them that wants to stay with you! Entering college is a fantastic opportunity to become a marionette master. So get out there and pull some strings.