13 Hacks For the Lazy College Student

13 Hacks For the Lazy College Student

I promise this will save you guys so much time.
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DISCLAIMER: This is risky advice that probably works better for core classes and probably won't get you a 4.0 GPA. You will pass the class, but you won't learn anything. Make sure you have good friends in your classes, do your part in group projects and sometimes you should put in some effort and study. Especially in your career-specific classes or if you are a STEM major. This is not to be taken seriously.

1) If attendance is optional - you don’t need to go, but you need to get the notes somehow and show up for any quizzes, exams, or presentations.

2) If attendance is mandatory, but there’s a sign-in sheet - get a friend to sign your name in. (Note: I do not recommend doing this in small classes or in any classes that your professor knows your name and recognizes your face. Large classes only.)

3) If you plan on skipping class a lot - do NOT sit in the front of the class. If you sit in the front of the class, your professor will recognize your face and if you’re not there one day- they will notice.

4) Don’t sit in the back either. If you sit in the back, you will be on your phone the whole time. By sitting in the back you are openly stating ‘I don’t want to be here.’

5) Sit in the middle. If you sit in the middle, your professor can’t constantly pick out your face to see if you’re there or not, but you’re more likely to learn something when you do show up. That is goals. Sit in the middle.

6) Moving on to group projects - you can do the least amount of work by making everyone else around you think you’re doing the most. All you have to do is ‘direct traffic’. Start the email, tell them what they’re doing and then sit back.

7) Don’t be a jerk to your group. Be friendly, be nice, and act interested in what they’re doing. Winning personalities don’t get bad grade on group projects. That’s a fact.

8) Online discussion boards. If you have to post your opinion by midnight- wait until 11:30. Everyone has already done it, you take bits and pieces of everyone's and make it look like yours. Bam. Your poor classmates sat and read this book for hours. A book that will never matter in their entire lives, other than right now. They just summarized it for you. You just have to run with it.

9) In class or in discussion boards, when you respond to classmates - don’t always agree with their opinion. Everyone always agrees. Disagree. That is what is going to make you stand out to the professor.

10) When you’re in class, always look super engaged. You don’t have to be. You can daydream all you want, but make eye contact and nod like you fully care. Professors love it.

11) When it comes to buying the textbook - never buy the book. Never, ever, ever, ever, buy the book. It’s a waste of money - a lot of money. 99% of the time you won’t need the book, you don’t want the book, you don’t want to buy it, so don’t. If you do need the book, ask a classmate or Google. Google works wonders.

12) Sweet talk your professor. Be creative with it. Pretend to share the same interests, laugh at their jokes (no matter how good or bad), ask them how their day/weekend was, compliment them, make them remember you. Don't overdue it though. That's how you'll ruin it. Also, not after the final- never after the final. They will see right through it. Before the final- always before the final.

13) Don't cite Wikipedia. Cite the sources from Wikipedia.

SIDE NOTE: I do not encourage cheating or plagiarizing - ever. You can be a lazy college student and still pass your classes. Be smart about being lazy. Work smarter, not harder.

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Not My Michigan

A Michigan student-athlete turned Registered Nurse on the Michigan Medicine contract negotiations in 2018.

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It's May 1st, 2016. I'm bright-eyed, eager, and graduating from the University of Michigan as a Nursing Student and Student-Athlete.

I am ready to take on the world the way that Michigan taught me how: fearlessly, compassionately, and wholeheartedly. I bleed blue. I know what it means to be a Wolverine and to represent the Michigan Difference in everything I do. I wear the block M on my School of Nursing scrubs and my Michigan Dance Team uniform well aware that it represents goodness, tradition, and excellence. I am determined. I am inspired. I am ready.

It's Monday, September 17th, 2018. What does Michigan mean to me now? I used to be so sure. Now, I simply don't know. So, what's the deal? How did my view on an institution become so indifferent in recent months?

I chose U of M to start my nursing career because it had the widely known reputation of putting its patients first, respecting its nurses, and providing the best care to patients in the state (5th in the country, to be exact). In my first year, as I was clumsily learning how to push patient stretchers, titrate intravenous vasopressors, and to communicate with the medical team, I proudly participated in our hospital's effort to achieve Magnet status.

When Nursing earned Magnet Status, an award given by the American Nurses' Credentialing Center and indicator of the strength and quality of Nursing at Michigan, I felt that same pride as I did in May of 2016.

I knew in my heart that I picked the best institution to develop my nursing practice and to give high quality, patient-centered care to anyone who walked, rolled, or was carried through the doors of Adult Emergency Services. The hospital's goals were aligned with mine and those around me. We put patients first, and more specifically, we put patients over profits.

I am lucky enough to work at a hospital that has been unionized for more than four decades. When I started working, the concept of a union was foreign to me. For those who may need a refresher, unions promote and protect the interests of all employees. They collectively bargain with employers to secure written agreements for employees regarding pay, benefits, and working conditions.

Collective bargaining agreements are legally enforceable contracts holding employers and employees to mutually agreed-to workplace rules and process to provide a fair and just workplace. The University of Michigan Professional Nurse Council, an affiliate of the Michigan Nurses Association, has been working diligently since January to bargain with the University of Michigan to protect me, the 5,700 nurses who work within the institution, and our patients. I'd like to think they're the good guys in this story.

Here's where things get sticky: David Spahlinger, president of our prestigious U of M health system, has publicly stated that Michigan is "committed to maintaining current staffing levels," but will not make this commitment in writing. Common sense is reflected in the most high-quality research on the topic of nurse-patient ratios and its direct effect on patient care.

Appropriate staffing allows me and my coworkers to give the quality of care that I know we have the ability to provide. High staffing levels are associated with reduced mortality, falls, medication errors, ulcers, restraint use and infections. Unregulated staffing is a significant barrier to nurses' abilities to provide optimal patient care and prevents Nursing at Michigan from providing what we know to be the Michigan Difference in healthcare.

UMPNC held voting on a work stoppage for unfair labor practices last week. Out of 4,000 votes cast by nurses at the U, 94% authorized a work stoppage in protest of the University's unfair labor practices. No date is set, but our elected nurse bargaining team now has the authority to call for action.

Thank you to Katie Oppenheim, who chairs our union, for reiterating in an article to the Detroit Free Press that a work stoppage is not our goal. "Our goal is a fair agreement which respects nurses and guarantees safe staffing. The university can remedy this situation immediately by stopping their unfair labor practices and bargaining in good faith."

I am proud to be a nurse and I hope that our efforts to keep Michigan a patients-over-profits institution are recognized at the community, state, and national level. Anne McGinity, David Spahlinger, and those who have the power to make Michigan the magical place I once thought it was, make like Nike and just do it. For the love of patients, nurses, and our great University. I know we are better than this.

(Stay Tuned, folks).

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Life Can Be Rough, But Everything Will Work Out, Eventually

Everything happens for a reason.

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"When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it." — Henry Ford

I'll never forget the day my mom sent me a screenshot of that quote. I was sitting in calculus, trying to follow some difficult equations as the teacher wrote on the board. No, I shouldn't have been looking at my phone, but the moment I read over those simple words, I teared up. I can't remember what I had cried to my mom the night before, whether it be about friends or school, maybe even both, but they touched me in a way I could never explain.

As I sat in calculus, I took a deep breath and kept trying to keep up with my professor, yet my eyes went back to my phone with the photo of the quote. Henry Ford's words were what I needed to hear and helped me stay on and keep moving forward. On that day, I understood that there is a bigger picture and if I keep going, I will be able to look back and see it was only a small detail on a massive canvas.

Nearly two years later, I find his words to be something I try to remind myself daily. As long as you persevere, something good will come out of it. There is light at the end of the tunnel, as cliche as that sounds. I wouldn't say I believe in 'fate' but I do believe there is a reason everything happens. When everything in life seems to be going against you, have patience and let it happen. I find that no matter what bad situation I'm in, everything works out. Even now as I face bigger issues, rather than just friends and school, I find that everything happens for a reason.

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