DISCLAIMER: This is risky advice that probably works better for core classes and probably won't get you a 4.0 GPA. You will pass the class, but you won't learn anything. Make sure you have good friends in your classes, do your part in group projects and sometimes you should put in some effort and study. Especially in your career-specific classes or if you are a STEM major. This is not to be taken seriously.
1) If attendance is optional - you don’t need to go, but you need to get the notes somehow and show up for any quizzes, exams, or presentations.
2) If attendance is mandatory, but there’s a sign-in sheet - get a friend to sign your name in. (Note: I do not recommend doing this in small classes or in any classes that your professor knows your name and recognizes your face. Large classes only.)
3) If you plan on skipping class a lot - do NOT sit in the front of the class. If you sit in the front of the class, your professor will recognize your face and if you’re not there one day- they will notice.
4) Don’t sit in the back either. If you sit in the back, you will be on your phone the whole time. By sitting in the back you are openly stating ‘I don’t want to be here.’
5) Sit in the middle. If you sit in the middle, your professor can’t constantly pick out your face to see if you’re there or not, but you’re more likely to learn something when you do show up. That is goals. Sit in the middle.
6) Moving on to group projects - you can do the least amount of work by making everyone else around you think you’re doing the most. All you have to do is ‘direct traffic’. Start the email, tell them what they’re doing and then sit back.
7) Don’t be a jerk to your group. Be friendly, be nice, and act interested in what they’re doing. Winning personalities don’t get bad grade on group projects. That’s a fact.
8) Online discussion boards. If you have to post your opinion by midnight- wait until 11:30. Everyone has already done it, you take bits and pieces of everyone's and make it look like yours. Bam. Your poor classmates sat and read this book for hours. A book that will never matter in their entire lives, other than right now. They just summarized it for you. You just have to run with it.
9) In class or in discussion boards, when you respond to classmates - don’t always agree with their opinion. Everyone always agrees. Disagree. That is what is going to make you stand out to the professor.
10) When you’re in class, always look super engaged. You don’t have to be. You can daydream all you want, but make eye contact and nod like you fully care. Professors love it.
11) When it comes to buying the textbook - never buy the book. Never, ever, ever, ever, buy the book. It’s a waste of money - a lot of money. 99% of the time you won’t need the book, you don’t want the book, you don’t want to buy it, so don’t. If you do need the book, ask a classmate or Google. Google works wonders.
12) Sweet talk your professor. Be creative with it. Pretend to share the same interests, laugh at their jokes (no matter how good or bad), ask them how their day/weekend was, compliment them, make them remember you. Don't overdue it though. That's how you'll ruin it. Also, not after the final- never after the final. They will see right through it. Before the final- always before the final.
13) Don't cite Wikipedia. Cite the sources from Wikipedia.
SIDE NOTE: I do not encourage cheating or plagiarizing - ever. You can be a lazy college student and still pass your classes. Be smart about being lazy. Work smarter, not harder.
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