1. "Because I said so"

Worst excuse known to man.

2. "Go get me a beer"

Usually a shitty domestic.

3. "Hand me the remote"

Usually to turn on the price is right or family fued. OR a sports game the rest of the family has no interest in.

4. "Hi _____, I'm dad"

You fill in the blank. "Tired" or "hungry" is my go-to.

5. "Do you think I'm made of money or somethin'?"

When you're in 7th grade and ask for $10 to go to the movies.

6. "When I was your age..."

OK, dad, they don't hire 12-year-olds to work on cars like they did back in your day.

7. "I'm just resting my eyes"

But you're snoring?

8. "Don't tell your mom"

When you bribe him into taking you and your 5 closest friends TP-ing.

9. "Ah, just rub some dirt on it"

When moms not around and you don't have a band-aid

10. "Don't make me turn this car around!"

When you're fighting with your younger sibling 10 minutes into vacation.

11. "Go ask your mom"

EVERY TIME you ask to have friends over.

12. "I can't wait til you have kids!"

Assuming we'll do a worse job raising them.

13. "Pull my finger"

No thanks.

14. "I know where I'm going"

Because using a GPS is against their religion.