1. No, it won’t charge you twice.

If your card doesn’t go through, and I ask you to try swiping it again, it won’t charge you twice. The point is that it didn’t go through. That’s why I’m asking you to swipe it again because it didn’t charge you.

2. Don’t be embarrassed.

If you need to buy condoms, tampons, or adult diapers, don’t feel you have to go to self-checkout. We don’t care that you’re buying those things; it’s literally our job to scan your stuff. I’ve never once thought poorly of someone for anything they’ve bought.

3. The “if it doesn’t scan, it must be free” joke isn’t that funny.

I laughed the first time, and after that... well, I have to fake the retail laugh.

4. Telling me what the discount on the radishes is won’t help me.

All produce has a code on it, and we need that in order to ring it up. If I’m searching for the PLU sticker on your obscure type of apple, telling me “they’re 2 for a dollar” really won’t help me. I can’t memorize all the discounts in the store, and the discount won’t tell me what the item’s PLU is anyway.

5. Don’t blame me for how expensive your order is.

It’s not my decision how things are priced, nor did I decide for you what to buy. You decided to buy what you did, and I can’t take the price down because you shot your budget.

6. Don’t touch me.

This isn’t common, but I have had customers grab my hand and use it to bag their own stuff. My hand. Other cashiers have had their hair and faces touched, and some have even experienced assault by violent customers. Please, don’t touch me or anyone without permission. This is just a basic rule of respect that applies to everyone, associates and shoppers alike.

7. Bag your stuff if you’re going to complain about how long it’s taking.

When I don’t have a bagger, I have to do two jobs at once. It’s going to take a little bit longer. If you want to speed things up, bag your own stuff while I scan. It makes both of our lives easier.

8. I'm not a babysitter.

Look, children are great. Many times they're more respectful than the adults caring for them. That being said, I have a job to do. I cannot adequately perform my duties while simultaneously giving your young child the attention he or she requires while you're "running to the restroom."

9. Be patient.

Sometimes there are technical difficulties, or it’s an especially crowded day. Stuff happens, and I’m doing my best to get you out of the store as quickly and efficiently as possible. Complaining at me won’t make it go any faster.

10. I’m not flirting with you.

It’s my job to be friendly and laugh at your jokes, even if they’re not funny. Me smiling at you doesn’t mean I want you in my bed.

11. I can't change the system for you.

Period. I can do nothing about the fact that there's no 5 percent senior discount on Tuesdays. I can't fix the fact that your credit card has been declined five times in a row. My job is to come to work, use the system I've been given in order to help you, and clock out. I don't make the rules.

12. Be nice.

Honestly, just be a decent person and show basic respect. Cashiers are human. My feet and shoulders hurt, I’m hungry, and I need to pee. Sorry if I make a mistake; I try to fix it for you. Please don’t yell at me. You don’t have to make constant small talk if you don’t feel like it, but you really should exhibit human decency. I’m doing my best. We all are.