12 Signs You're Being 'Gaslighted,' And When To Get Out

12 Signs You're Being 'Gaslighted,' And When To Get Out

Relationship Gaslighting: Is It Happening To You?
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Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse and manipulation that leads someone to question their own sanity. Whoever falls victim to it ends up second guessing their memories and perceptions of reality. Soon they will be distrusting their own memories not just in the relationship itself, but in everything. It's detrimental to their mental health. Gaslighting can stem from many things; this person can be seeking control in their life, they could have learned it from others like their parents, or they could have an authoritarian personality. Sometimes they don't even realize what they are doing to you. These are just some signs you are being gaslighted in your relationship:

1. Your partner calls your memory into question, which is called "Countering."

They could say something like, "You're wrong, you never remember things correctly." This also leads them to project this trick onto a global level and say things like, "You see everything in the most negative way" or "Well, you obviously never believed in me then."

2. They make you feel like your thoughts and feelings aren't as important by "Trivializing."

They could say something like, "You're going to let something like that come between us?" or "You're going to get angry over something so little like that?" It's a way to make you and your feelings seem smaller than they are and to perceive them as not valid.

3. Forgetting and Denial can also be forms of gaslighting.

They pretend to forget things that have really occurred; they may also deny things like promises that have been made that are of clear importance to you. They might say: "I don't have to take this", "You're crazy, that never happened", or "You're making things up."

4. You ask yourself if you're being too sensitive multiple times a day.

You are convinced that it's just you, and it's your fault. They could say something like, "You're just playing the victim card."

5. You're always apologizing, to everyone.

6. You frequently make excuses for your partner's behavior to your family and friends.

7. You withhold information about your relationship from your family and friends so you don't have to make up excuses and give explanations.

8. You start lying to your partner to avoid possible put downs, verbal abuse, and reality twists.

9. You have trouble making small decisions on your own that should be simple.

10. You always question if you're good enough for your partner.

11. You feel like you've been worn down over time.

You feel like you just don't know what to do, say, or feel anymore because everything seems wrong. Every argument may turn into something major and you just give up trying, so you stay silent after a while.

12. You've been told by your partner that everyone else is a liar, that they just don't like him/her, or are out to get him/her.

These are just some of the signs you are being manipulated in your relationship. Whether you recognize that you're in something like this right now or you have been in the past and still struggling, it gets better. You will learn to trust your memories and decisions again. I'm here to let you know that you are not alone, and this happens more often than you may know. You are not too sensitive, you are not crazy, your feelings are important, and your memories are real. Trust in yourself because you are in control of you. They cannot control you. You will find your sense of self again.


Reach out to your support system or if you don't feel that you can talk to your family or friends you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline, open 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 for Deaf/Hard of hearing.

Cover Image Credit: Stocksnap.io

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To The Girl Struggling With Her Body Image

It's not about the size of your jeans, but the size of your heart, soul, and spirit.

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To the girl struggling with her body image,

You are more than the number on the scale. You are more than the number on your jeans and dresses. You are way more than the number of pounds you've gained or lost in whatever amount of time.

Weight is defined as the quantity of matter contained by a body or object. Weight does not define your self-worth, ambition or potential.

So many girls strive for validation through the various numbers associated with body image and it's really so sad seeing such beautiful, incredible women become discouraged over a few numbers that don't measure anything of true significance.

Yes, it is important to live a healthy lifestyle. Yes, it is important to take care of yourself. However, taking care of yourself includes your mental health as well. Neglecting either your mental or physical health will inflict problems on the other. It's very easy to get caught up in the idea that you're too heavy or too thin, which results in you possibly mistreating your body in some way.

Your body is your special, beautiful temple. It harbors all of your thoughts, feelings, characteristics, and ideas. Without it, you wouldn't be you. If you so wish to change it in a healthy way, then, by all means, go ahead. With that being said, don't make changes to impress or please someone else. You are the only person who is in charge of your body. No one else has the right to tell you whether or not your body is good enough. If you don't satisfy their standards, then you don't need that sort of negative influence in your life. That sort of manipulation and control is extremely unhealthy in its own regard.

Do not hold back on things you love or want to do because of how you interpret your body. You are enough. You are more than enough. You are more than your exterior. You are your inner being, your spirit. A smile and confidence are the most beautiful things you can wear.

It's not about the size of your jeans. It's about the size of your mind and heart. Embrace your body, observe and adore every curve, bone and stretch mark. Wear what makes you feel happy and comfortable in your own skin. Do your hair and makeup (or don't do either) to your heart's desire. Wear the crop top you've been eyeing up in that store window. Want a bikini body? Put a bikini on your body, simple.

So, as hard as it may seem sometimes, understand that the number on the scale doesn't measure the amount or significance of your contributions to this world. Just because that dress doesn't fit you like you had hoped doesn't mean that you're any less of a person.

Love your body, and your body will love you right back.

Cover Image Credit: Lauren Margliotti

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Saying You "Don't Take Political Stances" IS A Political Stance

All you're doing by saying this is revealing your privilege to not care politically, and here's why that's a problem.

bethkrat
bethkrat
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I'm sure all of us know at least one person who refuses to engage in political discussions - sure, you can make the argument that there is a time and a place to bring up the political happenings of our world today, but you can't possibly ignore it all the time. You bring up the last ridiculous tweet our president sent or you try to discuss your feelings on the new reproductive regulation bills that are rising throughout the states, and they find any excuse to dip out as quickly as possible. They say I don't talk about politics, or I'm apolitical. Well everyone, I'm here to tell you why that's complete bullsh*t.

Many people don't have the luxury and privilege of ignoring the political climate and sitting complacent while terrible things happen in our country. So many issues remain a constant battle for so many, be it the systematic racism that persists in nearly every aspect of our society, the fact that Flint still doesn't have clean water, the thousands of children that have been killed due to gun violence, those drowning in debt from unreasonable medical bills, kids fighting for their rights as citizens while their families are deported and separated from them... you get the point. So many people have to fight every single day because they don't have any other choice. If you have the ability to say that you just don't want to have anything to do with politics, it's because you aren't affected by any failing systems. You have a privilege and it is important to recognize it.

Martin Luther King Jr. once said, "history will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people."

We recognize that bad people exist in this world, and we recognize that they bring forth the systems that fail so many people every single day, but what is even more important to recognize are the silent majority - the people who, by engaging in neutrality, enable and purvey the side of the oppressors by doing nothing for their brothers and sisters on the front lines.

Maybe we think being neutral and not causing conflict is supposed to be about peacekeeping and in some way benefits the political discussion if we don't try to argue. But if we don't call out those who purvey failing systems, even if it's our best friend who says something homophobic, even if it's our representatives who support bills like the abortion ban in Alabama, even if it's our president who denies the fact that climate change is killing our planet faster than we can hope to reverse it, do we not, in essence, by all accounts of technicality side with those pushing the issues forward? If we let our best friend get away with saying something homophobic, will he ever start to change his ways, or will he ever be forced to realize that what he's said isn't something that we can just brush aside? If we let our representatives get away with ratifying abortion bans, how far will the laws go until women have no safe and reasonable control over their own bodily decisions? If we let our president continue to deny climate change, will we not lose our ability to live on this planet by choosing to do nothing?

We cannot pander to people who think that being neutral in times of injustice is a reasonable stance to take. We cannot have sympathy for people who decide they don't want to care about the political climate we're in today. Your attempts at avoiding conflict only make the conflict worse - your silence in this aspect is deafening. You've given ammunition for the oppressors who take your silence and apathy and continue to carry forth their oppression. If you want to be a good person, you need to suck it up and take a stand, or else nothing is going to change. We need to raise the voices of those who struggle to be heard by giving them the support they need to succeed against the opposition.

With all this in mind, just remember for the next time someone tells you that they're apolitical: you know exactly which side they're on.

bethkrat
bethkrat

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