You run your fingers delicately along the spines of the books. You breathe in the smell of worn paper and dust. You carefully pick up one, cradling it in your arms like it is the most precious thing the world has given to you. The quiet flutter of pages reminds you almost of a metronome, as the words begin to swim in your head and the letters transform into a vivid new world. If these words at all resonate with you, you may be a bibliophile, and suffer from these side effects:
1. Your bookshelf starts to take over your room.
I mean, when you think about it, a bed isn't that important anyways.
2. You prefer the company of fictional characters to actual humans.
If you're being honest, you consider Elizabeth Bennett to be one of your closest friends.
3. Your family and friends say you don't get out enough. You respond with this:
4. You always take out at least ten books every time you go to the library, even though you know it's physically impossible to read them all.
Your confession to the librarian when they ask why you keep checking out the same books over and over.
5. If you're going to die, you hope to die being buried in a pile of books.
This picture also depicts the standard appearance of a bibliophile's bed.
6. Belle is your favorite Disney princess, because she has her priorities straight: a prince AND a giant library.
Actually? Screw the prince too. I'll just take the library please.
7. There's nothing worse than people who use literary quotes on Instagram but don't actually know the context behind them.
*Please* tell me how that quote you used from Animal Farm relates to your day at the beach with your best friend.
8. The real reason you own large bags is so you can take a book with you wherever you go.
9. There is a direct correlation to what book you're reading and how you behave.
No I'm not mad at you. It's just that Holden Caulfield is bitter and angry at the world right now, so I feel like I should be too.
10. The rudest thing a person could do to you is interrupt you in the middle of a perfectly good book.
11. You feel a sort of mystical haze at the end of a book, as if you are stuck between two worlds and can't yet determine which is reality.
12. People question why your suitcase is always so heavy.
But you know the real reason...
If you suffer from any of these symptoms, please consult your nearest librarian. If not cured quickly, this disease could potentially lead to more devastating side effects, such as draining your bank account, getting bruises from sleeping on top of books you fell asleep reading, and forgetting to eat and sleep while immersed in a story. Common cures include book burning (see Fahrenheit 451 and The Book Thief), creating a communistic government that monitors your reading habits 24/7 (see 1984), or stranding yourself on an island away from books altogether, where you're forced to eat each other to survive (see Lord of the Flies).
