In light of recent Supreme Court decisions, many individuals have been growing into stellar allies for the L, the G, the B, and the T folk in the LGBTQ+ (or simply "queer") community. As society continues to grow and understand the needs of this community, it becomes more and more important to include other identities at risk of marginalization in the process.

The following are my tips for being a good ally to the folks who identify outside of the gender binary. Nonbinary (NB) people are those folks who are neither men nor women. It's important to note that I am not an NB person and am writing from a position of privilege and power. I want to use my voice in order to interrupt injustice against marginalized groups.

Additionally, know that no set of rules is perfect. Use your discretion and listen to NB people when they express their needs. Listening to real NB people and their wishes for allies helped me create this list, after all.

1. Ask for the pronouns of everyone you meet.

Then use them. Don't be afraid to make a few mistakes. When you meet a new person, introduce yourself by saying something like: "Hi, I'm Hannah and I use she/her pronouns." By doing this, you are letting others know that you care about pronouns and will respect theirs, too.

2. Don't treat an NB identity like a phase.

It isn't. When people are open about their identity, they usually know the consequences they may face. Don't belittle their bravery. Value and believe what people say about themselves. If their identity does change along the way, don't critique them. Becoming who we are takes time.

3. Don't ask about their genitals.

You don't need this information unless you're about to get intimate with someone. You wouldn't ask about your binary friend's genitals, so don't ask your NB friend either. Easy!

Similarly, if an NB person tells you about their body, don't spread the information around. Treat them and their privacy with respect.

4. Don't ask for their "real" name.

Implying their chosen name isn't real devalues their identity. The names people choose for themselves are special. If you're dealing with NB folk in a legal capacity, ask for their legal or documented name. I work with bills and mail in an office. I have to do this regularly. Whenever possible, use the name they want you to use.

5. Don't assume every NB person uses "they" pronouns.

There are hundreds of pronouns. Here's a cool list! For the purpose of this article I've been using "they" pronouns in order to include as many identities as possible, but individuals can and will vary. Similarly, although a person may look masculine or feminine to you, this does not mean they are not NB. Someone who uses "she" pronouns is not required to be binary, either. Listen, listen, listen!

6. Don't assume all NB people are the same.

Genderfluid, genderqueer, agender, gender non-conforming, etc. are just a handful of the identities outside of the binary. Additionally, don't assume that NB means somewhere in the middle of male and female. Think of gender like a rainbow rather than a strict pink and blue with shades of purple between them. Diversity is beautiful.

7. Don't assume trans means NB.

Trans folk are not NB by definition. A trans person may feel strongly about their position in the binary. Respect this. Additionally, not all NB folk consider themselves trans. Some do. Acknowledge the experiences of individuals.

8. Don't say "ladies and gentlemen" or "boys and girls" or use other language that restricts gender to two choices.

This can be a challenge, as certain binary phrases are extremely prevalent in our speech. Try your best to use inclusive words like "friends," "folks," "ya'll" and so on instead. For the love of all good in the world, don't divide a large group in half by telling boys to stand in one place and girls to stand in another place. This ignores identities and can be humiliating for people who don't meet one of those definitions.

9. Do stand up for NB people when others are deliberately abusing their pronouns, but don't out people about being NB.

If your NB friend tells a stranger their gender and pronouns are binary, don't interrupt them. They are protecting themselves from a perceived danger.

10. Do treat NB people like their identities are real.

Acknowledge their suffering and celebrate their accomplishments like you would for any other person in your life. Their gender is one part of their identity. They are a whole person and odds are they want to be treated as such.

11. Do ask NB people about what makes them comfortable, especially if you know them well.

Be aware that no NB person has a responsibility to teach you about their identity! If you ask a question about their gender, they may not divulge and may even be offended you asked something so personal. No one owes you their life story. Use your judgement to decide how close you are to another person before you ask tough questions.

Remember, being an ally is a lifelong process of learning and growing. No one is perfect, but we should all strive to be the most understanding humans we can be.