I'm not a coffee drinker. I know, I know, shame on me. How do I function without caffeine? I grew up in a family of non-coffee drinkers and to be honest, I'm energetic and hyperfocused enough without a constant stream of caffeine. But of course, I'm a college kid, so I'm spending more and more time in coffee shops for study sessions and hang out sessions.

1. Why is everything 5 dollars?

Seriously, it's water, coffee grounds, and some girly toppings.

2. I don't... I don't even know what any of this is?

WHAT IS A MACHITO?

3. Wait, they serve 2-ounce drinks? Why would I just want 2 ounces?

It's not even a sip.

4. Whatever that girl is drinking looks good.

I don't know what it is, but it looks drinkable.

5. I would be okay if everyone in the building wanted to order before me.

I enough people order something, it can't be too bad, can it?

6. I can't even pronounce any of these things.

None of this is English, is it?

7. I'll just ask my friend what she's getting.

If she likes it, I will too. Right?

8. Never mind. I don't know what that is.

Yep, I'm still very confused.

9. I'm going to make a fool of myself when I order. I am going to butcher the name of the drink.

I'll just point, and they'll know. Right?

10. Oh no, I'm next.

This isn't going to be pretty.

11. Screw it, I'll just take a hot tea.

Sorry, guys. I know I promised I would order coffee, but I can't do this.