We all thought that by the time we were adults, we would know things. Questions we asked as children and teenagers would be answers to us now. Many actually are. We have, for the most part, moved on to much harder questions, like "Where is my husband already?" and "What are these 'taxes' you speak of?" But there are some childhood questions that, although we really do know the answer to (for the most part), we keep on asking as adults. Here are some questions I was sure I would be done asking by the time I was an adult that I am most definitely still asking.
1. Which is way is left?
(Makes "L" with fingers)
We were taught the trick as early as kindergarten, maybe even preschool, to determine left from right. Some people were taught to make an L with their fingers, while others were told to think about which hand they write with. Regardless of what you were taught, you spent your early years using it in abundance. As you got older, you stopped having to make the physical motion of an L or of writing to figure it out, but, really, you never stopped picturing that L, or that hand, in your head. As an adult, you can tell your left from your right instantly, but not before you subconsciously use your trick from kindergarten.
2. Am I going North or South? ...or east?
(Let me go in a circle)
Never Eat Soggy Waffles, right? Or is one of the hundreds of other acronyms that reminds you of which direction is which when going in a clockwise circle? Even if you think about which way the sun rises and sets or where the beach is, we always thought that we would just know the cardinal directions by the time we were adults.
3. Does this month have 31 days?
(I have a song for that)
This was another trick we all learned very early in life: the song that tells you that there are "30 days have September, April, June, and December; all the rest have 31." As the song wraps up with the exception of February, we realize that, even as adults, it is hard to keep track of how many days are in each month. And no, tomorrow is not the first of September, it's still August for its 31st day. It really is a lot to remember... that is, unless it's February.
4. Where did I park my car?
(I have to start paying attention!)
We are always so excited to get out of our car and get where we are going, or are too distracted by where we have arrived or what we are talking about as we're getting out of the car, that it is beyond easy to not pay attention to where the car is parked. A lot of the time, you do look around, but you assure yourself that you will remember the third floor and the blue Hummer you parked next to and do not write it down or tell anyone else to remember.
Then you get to the parking garage hours later and desperately dig your brain for that information. "I'll just find the blue Hummer," you say, as if it had not already driven away. You start pushing harder on the lock button on your keys, listening for the beep, wandering around, and wondering why you cannot hear it and about how this is still happening to you as an adult.
5. Did I leave my phone at home?
(Oh, Gd, where is my phone?!)
The panic in this situation is quick to set it, and within minutes, you are in full scramble mode, praying that your phone is in the car or at the bottom of your bag and that you did not leave it at home. How are you going to avoid eye contact and text all night?
But then a really terrible thought kicks in, and you start to doubt that it is even in your house. Maybe it's gone forever! There goes your concentration for the rest of the night; that is, if you do not get up and go back for it right then.
6. Why isn't he/she texting me back?
(Should I wait to respond?)
When we hear of other people freaking out over the amount of time they should wait before they text someone back, we automatically laugh at them and tell them to respond whenever they want. But the truth of the matter is, even as adults, we do not realize how concerned we are with how we appear to other people, if we come off as desperate, or if they like us as much as we like them. So, as much as I hate to admit it, even as adults, we play games. Even if we don't, we still worry.
7. Who can I get to pay for this for me?
(When's the next holiday?)
We think that by the time we are adults, we will have plenty of money to buy all we want in life. But the time comes around and you are not self-sustaining yet; in fact, you're broke. I am mostly talking about the college years of adulthood, but even for the first couple years after it can take some time to find a well-paying job you actually want to pursue.
It leaves you wondering the same question you asked earlier in life: Who can I get to pay for this for me? Sometimes you will ask for it as a holiday gift, sometimes you will ask your parents for it as "something special" or because you "need it to be successful," and sometimes, if it is food, you will even accept a date with someone to buy it for you.
8. How bad would it be if I didn't get out of bed today?
(*Cough, cough*)
The only difference between being a kid and an adult is that, instead of having to fake being sick to your parents so they will call the school and you can skip class, you have the power to make the decision and call in for yourself. This, my friends, can be a very dangerous power, and can lead to lots of classes or days of work passing by without you leaving your bed. We thought once we were older and school was more specialized, or we were doing something that we loved, we would want to get up in the morning, but, unfortunately, some things never change.
9. WHY AM I STILL GETTING ZITS?
(Let me at it!)
As much as we thought, hoped, and dreamed that getting pimples would be contained only to puberty and the years immediately following, it does not take long to realize that those little fuckers are not going anywhere. They may become fewer and farther between, but be it hell or high water, stress or eating greasy foods, they will always appear right when you need them the least.
10. Why did I eat so much candy?
(This was supposed to last me a week!)
Again, we thought we would grow out of wanting sugar all the time as we got older, but that, too, was a fairy tale. And now, there is no adult to restrain us or take it away. We can buy it ourselves and we can eat it whenever we want, without anyone being able to stop us. So we go ahead, decide to eat just one piece before dinner, and then all of a sudden, we're three bags in and our stomachs hurt just like they did when we were children, and we silently curse ourselves for acting like a five-year-old. Only, that's the thing, it is really not just five-year-olds that binge on candy, is it?
11. Will I get in trouble if I post this picture?
(Who important do I have on Facebook?)
When you are a kid, you are worried about your family seeing things you post on the internet. Next, you are worried about colleges seeing them. Then, finally, as an adult, you wonder if you can post that picture with that red cup, in a bathing suit, or where you are obviously doing something you are not supposed to because of potential (or current) employers. You think that once you turn 21 you can post anything you want, but an irresponsible picture is still an irresponsible picture, and someone is always watching.
