11 Unexpected Parent Phrases

11 Unexpected Parent Phrases

You might be a parent if you say this.
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No one ever warned me about how my language and way of talking would change when I became a parent. I knew there would be some difficult conversations later on in life like the birds and bees and death, but I never thought I would have hilarious conversations with a three year old. Some of these conversations are absolutely ridiculous. However, most of the time, I’m just surprised at what I say. While some of these phrases are probably very common in every house hold with children, some of these are very specific phrases that will probably only happen in our house.

1. You cannot wipe my butt.


Seriously, I say this to our three year old on a regular basis. We are still potty training, so she goes with me to the bathroom every time just so I can make a huge deal about it. She still asks me if she can wipe my butt like a baby just about every time.

2. Quit licking the window.


If someone ever figures out the connection between kids and licking things, let me know. Windows, tables, cars, chalk – just a few of the things I’ve caught one of our kids licking. The list goes on and on.

3. No, that feminine hygiene pad is not a sticker.


This is one of those moments when I wish I had a candid camera. Our oldest walked out of the bathroom with a pad on her forehead saying she was so happy for her sticker. We let her walk around like that until she went to bed. No shame.

4. The mail lady doesn’t need to see your panties.


Personally, I love cute underwear. I remember in high school being so excited to get a job, just so I could get cute underwear. It was almost like cute underwear gave me some unknown confidence to get me through the day. Unfortunately, our girls have inherited the cute underwear gene. Every time we are outside and in panties, our oldest has the incessant need to let the mail lady know that she’s wearing cute panties.

5. Put the spider down.


Or the roly poly, worm, bird feather, ant, fly, etc. My kids love picking up everything. Part of me is fascinated by their lack of fear for insects, while the other part of me is screaming for the hand sanitizer.

6. The store doesn’t let me buy things when you ugly cry.

This is the line that comes out of my mouth when one of the girls starts throwing a fuss in the store. I’ve been known to walk out of the store with absolutely nothing, leaving my cart full of stuff in a random aisle, due to my kids having meltdowns. This line works just about every time and works in a matter of minutes.

7. Princesses don’t poop on themselves.


Two things: potty training and bribery.

8. Little Mermaid only comes out in the day time.


There was a brief period where The Little Mermaid ruled our home. From the time our oldest got up for the day until she went to bed, she breathed the sea life. She wanted red hair, the dress, swimming with the fish – she wanted it all. Eventually I told her that the movie doesn’t work at night.

9. Dog food does not belong in your mouth.

Pretty self-explainable. I’m sure that there are generations of parents that have said this to their children.

10. These are my boobies.


I never actually thought this would be a conversation to have with anyone, especially a child. However, there is a difference in a breastfed child and a bottle fed child. Choose your battles wisely. I am still telling our almost two year old that my boobies are mine and to leave them alone.

11. I’ve never been so happy to see you poop.

You'll say this too once your newborn has gone several days without pooping. You'll be so exhausted from lack of sleep, your ears will be ringing from constant screaming and all you'll want is a little relief for your baby.

Cover Image Credit: Tiffany R

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Why Your Grandma Is Your Biggest Blessing In Life

Because nobody loves you more than she does.
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There are many people in your life you are thankful for: Mom, Dad, siblings, cousins, best friends, teachers, neighbors, you name it. You are grateful to have people who constantly support you, who pick you up when you're down and love you unconditionally. But the one person who stands out among the rest of them is your grandma.

SEE ALSO: 10 Reasons Why Your Grandma Is The Best Person In Your Life

Ever since you were little, you and your grandma have always had a special connection. Going over to Grandma's house for the night was something you looked forward to. She knew how to entertain you at your best and worst moments. No matter what you did together, you loved it. Being with your grandma wasn't like being at home or with your parents – it was better. You went to the park, made cookies, went out to dinner, got a “sweet treat" at the mall, played Go Fish, took a bubble bath for as long as you wanted and got way too much dessert than you should have. You did things you weren't supposed to do, but Grandma didn't stop you. Because at Grandma's house there were no rules, and you didn't have to worry about a single thing. Being with Grandma was the true epitome of childhood. She let you be you. She always made sure you had the best time when you were with her, and she loved watching you grow up with a smile on your face.

The older you got, your weekend excursions with your grandma weren't as frequent, and you didn't get to see her as much. You became more and more busy with school, homework, clubs, sports, and friends. You made the most out of your time to see her, and you wished you could be with her more. Although you were in the prime of your life, she mattered even more to you the older you both became. You were with your friends 24/7, but you missed being with your grandma. When the time rolled around, and you got the chance to spend time with her, she told you never to apologize. She wanted you to go out, have fun and enjoy life the way it makes you happy.

Reflecting back on these moments with your grandma, you realize how truly special she is to you. There is no one who could ever compare to her nor will there ever be. All your life, there is no one who will be as sweet, as caring, as sincere or as genuine as her. Even though you're all grown up now, there are things about your grandma that never changed from when you were a kid. She still takes you out for your favorite meal because she knows how important eating out means to you. She writes you letters and sends you a $5 bill every now and then because she knows you're a hard-working college student with no money. She still helps you with all of your Christmas shopping because she knows it's your tradition. She still asks what's new with your young life because hearing about it makes her day and she still loves you to no end. Your grandma is your biggest blessing (whether you knew it or not), and she always will be no matter what.

Cover Image Credit: Erin Kron

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Girls Need Love

I hear it. I say it. We share it It has truth behind it. Women, girls, females are not treated right.

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In my Hispanic community, I see it, men are kings and women are things. I have friends who break their back abiding by every rule their parents have given them while their brothers do the bare minimum with maximum praise.

As a woman, you could do everything your parents demanded of you and still be scolded for doing one thing wrong. Your brother could be unemployed, doesn't clean, doesn't cook, doesn't respect the rules of the house, comes home at any hour of the night; BUT he did tell his mommy how much he loves her! After all, that is all a mother wants from her son. From a daughter though? You need to be absolutely perfect.

Church? MUST.

Cooking? Are you stupid?

Cleaning? What are you good for if you cannot clean?

Obeying? God himself will strike you if you do not obey your father and your Heavenly Father!

"If you are unhappy with these rules then you can find somewhere else to live!" but "You cannot live with a man before marriage!" and "LIVE WITH FRIENDS? WHO CAN CARE MORE ABOUT YOU THAN YOUR FAMILY?!!!"

I'm just saying...what value are we to our community when we are raised as caretakers but disrespected and discarded constantly? The community needs us, we are the core, the backbone of a family and yet...treated like we are a nuisance rather than a leading role?

The shame that is associated with being a female is relentless in this community. They want you to have a man to take care of you but your value as a woman diminishes if you do not immediately marry. Or they'll ask, "What happened with ______? You know you're not getting any younger. You need to start a family mijita."

Sex? Forget it. If you are not a virgin, you are condemned to the pits of hell and no man will ever want you. No woman will accompany you, you harlot.

As for your uncle, dad, or brother...

I remember a cousin had told of how many women he "conquered" through high school and the uncles cheered him on.

A man is a man who is sexually active without his mother knowing.

A woman is pure, untouched, and lives to make a man happy. But, remember... if nearly all Hispanic men are the same...this man has probably conquered many girls before poisoning your garden.

It reminds me of when a close friend said she was molested by a man in her family. Her mother kept it a secret because it was shameful. And I remember thinking, "shameful for who? The grown ass man or the little girl who didn't know what was happening?" Then I realized I shouldn't even ask that question because men are never held accountable for their actions but women are at fault no matter what age.

This has to change. It is so harmful to women to be constantly degraded by their family and friends. Where is the support supposed to come from?

Build your daughters up, speak life into them!

A strong woman is one who knows her worth, not questions it because her parents say she's never enough.

If your son is a perfect angel, then your daughter can be too.


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