11 Unexpected Parent Phrases

11 Unexpected Parent Phrases

You might be a parent if you say this.
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No one ever warned me about how my language and way of talking would change when I became a parent. I knew there would be some difficult conversations later on in life like the birds and bees and death, but I never thought I would have hilarious conversations with a three year old. Some of these conversations are absolutely ridiculous. However, most of the time, I’m just surprised at what I say. While some of these phrases are probably very common in every house hold with children, some of these are very specific phrases that will probably only happen in our house.

1. You cannot wipe my butt.


Seriously, I say this to our three year old on a regular basis. We are still potty training, so she goes with me to the bathroom every time just so I can make a huge deal about it. She still asks me if she can wipe my butt like a baby just about every time.

2. Quit licking the window.


If someone ever figures out the connection between kids and licking things, let me know. Windows, tables, cars, chalk – just a few of the things I’ve caught one of our kids licking. The list goes on and on.

3. No, that feminine hygiene pad is not a sticker.


This is one of those moments when I wish I had a candid camera. Our oldest walked out of the bathroom with a pad on her forehead saying she was so happy for her sticker. We let her walk around like that until she went to bed. No shame.

4. The mail lady doesn’t need to see your panties.


Personally, I love cute underwear. I remember in high school being so excited to get a job, just so I could get cute underwear. It was almost like cute underwear gave me some unknown confidence to get me through the day. Unfortunately, our girls have inherited the cute underwear gene. Every time we are outside and in panties, our oldest has the incessant need to let the mail lady know that she’s wearing cute panties.

5. Put the spider down.


Or the roly poly, worm, bird feather, ant, fly, etc. My kids love picking up everything. Part of me is fascinated by their lack of fear for insects, while the other part of me is screaming for the hand sanitizer.

6. The store doesn’t let me buy things when you ugly cry.

This is the line that comes out of my mouth when one of the girls starts throwing a fuss in the store. I’ve been known to walk out of the store with absolutely nothing, leaving my cart full of stuff in a random aisle, due to my kids having meltdowns. This line works just about every time and works in a matter of minutes.

7. Princesses don’t poop on themselves.


Two things: potty training and bribery.

8. Little Mermaid only comes out in the day time.


There was a brief period where The Little Mermaid ruled our home. From the time our oldest got up for the day until she went to bed, she breathed the sea life. She wanted red hair, the dress, swimming with the fish – she wanted it all. Eventually I told her that the movie doesn’t work at night.

9. Dog food does not belong in your mouth.

Pretty self-explainable. I’m sure that there are generations of parents that have said this to their children.

10. These are my boobies.


I never actually thought this would be a conversation to have with anyone, especially a child. However, there is a difference in a breastfed child and a bottle fed child. Choose your battles wisely. I am still telling our almost two year old that my boobies are mine and to leave them alone.

11. I’ve never been so happy to see you poop.

You'll say this too once your newborn has gone several days without pooping. You'll be so exhausted from lack of sleep, your ears will be ringing from constant screaming and all you'll want is a little relief for your baby.

Cover Image Credit: Tiffany R

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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I Am Who I Am Today Because Of These People, And I Can't Thank Them Enough For Everything

Thank you.

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This is to all the people in my life that have helped me become the person I am today. You deserve more than just a "Thank you" from me, but I want to let you all know that I appreciate every single one of you.

To my parents,

I can't thank you guys enough for teaching me so much about life. Throughout my life, you've guided me through most things that I haven't even discovered on my own yet. You have taught me that I need help with money even though I continue to spoil myself. You have taught me to continue to believe in myself regardless of how difficult it can be at times. Thank you for everything that you have always done for me.

To my sisters,

You may constantly make fun of me for everything that I do — I do deserve it most of the times — you mean the world to me. You have taught me and showed me to be kind to everyone. Isn't that ironic? All jokes aside, you are the best sister I could ever ask for!

To my best friend,

The one who knows absolutely everything about me. The one who I FaceTime every single day. The one who has proven to me that I belong on this planet. The one who has helped me realize that I can do an endless amount of things with my life. Thank you for all the continuous support that you give me. You truly are the most thoughtful and encouraging best friend.

To my ex-best friend,

Even though you aren't really in my life anymore, I can't thank you enough for all the lessons I learned from you about myself. You encouraged me through tough times, reassuring me that I can do anything. You showed me that I have such a big heart. You taught me that I can dream with my eyes wide open. You taught me that I have such a gift — and I need to share it. Thank you for a solid friendship even if it was just for a little while.

To my coworkers,

You are the only reason why I'm still working. Our work environment is so amazing because of you. I look forward to coming to work because you have become my other family. Thank you for allowing me to have fun and be myself while at work.

To my roommates,

I know you have to deal with me constantly getting new pets or doing something stupid. I am shocked but thankful (of course) that put up with me. You are always so supportive of everything that I do. I could never thank you guys enough for all that you do. I hope you never get too tired of me!

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