As we begin this second semester, I am pleasantly reminded of those choice people that somehow seem to show up every class, every year. We all know these people. We know them well. Regardless of the class or your major, I am confident you have all encountered somebody with one of these qualities. I’ve come to the conclusion that these humans are unavoidable. Thus, I have obviously decided that the best way for me to handle this is to write a passive aggressive article detailing all of these infuriating characteristics.
1. The "bro" that spends the entirety of class with his arm crossed over his chest and his backpack closed. He brings the backpack, but doesn’t open it. I just don’t understand this. It’s not like anyone is looking at this guy like, “Whoa, that guy is so cool—he just doesn’t take notes! Why didn’t I think of that?” It’s more like, “Why did you even bother coming to class if you weren’t going to at least attempt to unzip your backpack?”
2.The person that insists on clearing their throat every minute of class. I understand if you have a cold, and you need to cough. However, I’m not entirely positive if these people even know how to cough because all they ever do is the "eh hem."
3.This next person is also typically a bro. He's the guy that is late to class every single day. I will personally come wake you up 15 minutes earlier, because that’s all it takes. This human also typically wears the same sweatshirt and backwards hat to class every single day that makes you genuinely ponder all of class if he has anything else in his wardrobe.
4.The person that asks you either of these questions: Did we have homework due? Did you study for the exam? Yes we had homework due. We have homework due every single class. Yes, I studied for the exam. It’s an exam. You might want to check out that handy dandy thing known as a syllabus.
5. Not to be confused with the person above, this person asks the teacher: Are you going to collect the homework? We will legitimately be one minute away from being dismissed, and he/she has to remind the teacher to collect the homework. Why? Just why? We all realize the professor has forgotten about it, so just let it be.
6.The person that argues with the teacher over everything and anything. This person is the one that takes the time to go through every single question on the exam and every single bubble on their scantron in order to ensure consistency. They then will defend their reasoning on about five questions while demanding the points back. To this person’s credit, they sometimes are able to convince the teacher of their point, and then the whole class gets credit. So, to be fair, I’m not totally opposed to this person.
7.The person that interrogates you about absolutely everything. You could literally write down, “January 24th,” and they would frantically peer over your shoulder asking what notes you were taking. This individual also tends to ask what the answer to number 37 was on the exam. They’ll remember the exact question number, but cannot seem to conjure up what the question was about or any of the possible choices.
8.The person that opens the world’s loudest granola bar wrapper for what seems like half of class. Every time you look at them, they are still somehow slowly pulling off that thing. Finally, when they get it off, it turns out to be a Nature Valley bar, for which the process of eating is equally if not louder than unwrapping one.
9. Often a friend of the individual above, this person slurps down their water bottle so aggressively. When your water bottle is cracking, and your lips are suction-cupping to the mouth of it, that's typically a sign to take it easy.
10.The person who thinks they are remarkably technically savvy. We all have that teacher who cannot figure out how to press play on a YouTube video, exit out of Google or turn on the sound on their computer. We also all know how to do these things. Despite this, there is always that overly eager person that pops up out of their chair and so kindly volunteers to take them through a step-by-step process of how to increase the font size on a document. They then return to their seat like a total boss as if they invented the iPhone.
11.Of course, a class is never complete without the person that asks dumb questions and asks questions that were literally just answered. All I will say is that there is such thing as a dumb question. I'm sure I've been that person numerous times, but I genuinely do try to avoid it as much as possible.
