10 Ways To Support A Friend Through A Break Up

10 Ways To Support A Friend Through A Break Up

"My friends are the most important thing in my life."
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Break ups aren't easy for anyone and with them comes a lot of gray areas. Your own personal break up can make you feel like you are all alone, so having friends there to support you through it is something that you'll definitely need. But sometimes watching your friend go through a break up, almost seems worse than the break up itself. Here are a few conscientious ways to help support a friend through a break up.

1. Don't speak too bad of the "ex" too soon.

When your friend comes to you heartbroken and crying, its easy to place the blame right onto their ex. But don't fall into the trap of bashing on the ex too quickly, you never the chances of your friend getting back together with that person and then you will have gotten yourself into trouble.

2. Listen (a lot)

Sometimes your friend just need someone there to vent to, to cry with, to talk to. They just need to know that you are there for them and giving them your undivided attention can be reassuring and make them feel loved.

3. Don't take sides

If both of the significant others in the break up are your friends, its best not to take sides. Although this may seem hard sometimes, let both of them know you aren't going to be stuck in the middle of them or choose, and you most definitely won't be a messenger. Stake your place and stick to it, while trying to understand both sides of the story and supporting the best you can in that way.

4. Respect your friend

Everyone gets over break ups in different ways--some want to be on their own for a little while, some want to get right back into dating. Try to help your friend steer clear of decisions they might regret, but also be there for them in their decisions if you believe it can be a healthy fit for them.

5. Reach out to them

Let them know that you are going to have their back through thick and thin, and with all the chaos going on in their life, you will be a constant. Send them a nice text or video chat them more than you usually would. Although they might not seem to appreciate the sentiment just yet, they will eventually when they are feeling better.

6. Keep them busy

Plan a few fun things for the two of you to look forward to in the next couple of weeks. You can get their mind off of the break up for a little while and enjoy some fun together.

7. Be supportive, not condescending

Your friend is hurting right now, and the last thing they need to hear is that you think their ex is a horrible, awful person that they never should've wasted their time on in the first place. (Again, they might get back together anyway.) It makes them feel like they are the horrible one for dating someone like that in the first place. Although it may have been well-intended, its not going to be taken that way.

8. Bring them food

Who doesn't love a tub of ice cream delivered at their doorstep? You don't even have to talk about the break up, just bring the ice cream over, put on Friends, and chill together.

9. Apologize for their pain

You can't take away their grief, but you can tell them you are sorry they are feeling this way. By letting them know that you are focused on them right now, will make them feel better and its nice to know they have someone their for them in this hard time.

10. Tell them how amazing they are

I'm not saying to tell them how amazing they are without their ex, don't say that. Just let them know that they are a truly great person who you love and care about, and that they still are that person even in a hard time like this. Be their cheerleader and give them a confidence boost!


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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

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Why You Should Bring Your Close Friend As Your Formal Date

Before asking that cute girl to formal think about asking a friend

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Every year since I was a junior in high school I have always looked forward to homecoming or prom. When I got to college I began to look forward to my fraternity formal. I was never concerned with what to wear or the expense of formal but rather who I was going to ask. It can be difficult to make a decision. If you ask anyone friends with me they will tell you how I am one of the most indecisive people out there. There are so many people I am friendly with or have a close relationship that it can feel difficult to make a decision. But let's look at that phrase again. You might think why does he want to bring someone who is his friend to his fraternity formal rather than someone he likes or is dating. To answer this question, some of the girls I have liked I have not been able to be the true me around and that also applies to the girls I have dated as well. I am different around my friends and I want someone to know the real me rather than me just having to pretend.

Maybe I am still experiencing the effects of a fun weekend but I have noticed that every formal or prom that I have brought a date with not only was a fun formal but interacted and connected well with my friends. That is the main thing I look for in a formal date, they need to be liked by my friends and many of them are still pretty friendly after the formal. You are spending the weekend with them and the drive down for you formal. There will be a lot of time spent with your date so it is important to bring someone you know you will have fun with. I am not saying that there isn't anything wrong with bringing someone else but I always found it best to bring a friend if you are not dating someone.

Think about the people you know you will always have fun with. This can be an indication of who you should bring and why but you should also think about the positives in this situation. Your fun and the time spent with the people should be prioritized before anything else. This event is about you and you should have someone with you that you know is fun to be around and someone you can enjoy yourself around along with your friends. Friends know you as well as you know yourself so there is not an idea of having to pretend to be someone else. The good thing about friends is that you do not run out of things to talk about and there is always something new to learn. Take your formal as a trip that you get to experience with the people closest to you. That is my take.

The key for me is to know that I will have fun with my date at formal. The drive to formal can be long and you are sharing a hotel room with your date along with spending time with them during the trip. I talk a lot. I want someone I know who I can carry a conversation with and will not just respond with words such as Yeah or Sounds good. I have always been able to remember not only my formals but specific parts of it as well. I think this is possible because of who I have brought and the memories I made with them.

Formals are important to everyone so think about who you want to spend that moment with. There is nothing wrong with bringing someone who you like but there also is nothing wrong with bringing a friend. Some people might bring someone they are dating but you should not have to compare yourself to other people. Do what makes you happy but remember this weekend is about you and you deserve to bring someone you will have fun with.

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