As someone who has been struggling with an eating disorder for a long time, let me just say this: Holidays are stressful. Holidays are stressful for those of us that don't struggle with a mental disorder, but they're that much harder for those of us that do. It can be difficult for you to know how to treat a loved one that's recovering from an eating disorder, but hopefully, these tips will help.

We don't want you to feel like you're walking on eggshells around us, so we probably won't speak up about any triggers that we might encounter. Ahead, here are some tips to help this holiday season run as smoothly as possible!

1. There's going to be a lot of food. Don't bring it up, please.

Eating is stressful enough without someone bringing up the sheer amount of food that's available to us. Eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes, and it's not always just about avoiding food. Some people binge. Some people purge. Some people restrict. Some people do all of those things. For everyone's sanity, just don't talk about how much mac and cheese is on the table.

2. If you're going to refuse dessert, do so politely.

"The last thing I need is dessert."

I've heard that sentence at family gatherings so many times. It doesn't get easier to hear and deal with as time goes on. If a loved one is suffering from an eating disorder, they're probably comparing themselves to every other person at the table. They're probably measuring how much food they're eating against how much food everyone else is eating. If you're going to refuse dessert, just say "No thank you". No explanation needed.

3. Don't talk about your new diet.

4. If you want to make it especially easy for someone, eat exactly what they do.

A big problem with eating disorders is the comparison aspect. I do this a lot. If someone refuses to eat a certain food, I immediately stop eating it. Having a person eat the exact same thing that you do can be really helpful. It's like saying "Look, this food won't hurt you. I wouldn't eat something if it would hurt me," without saying anything.

5. Steer the conversation away from stressful topics.

Eating disorders aren't just about food. They can be about control, self-worth, or pretty much anything else. Stressful conversations can be triggers for someone with an eating disorder. For me, if someone brings up a difficult topic while I'm eating, I either binge or completely stop eating my food. Stressful topics can be politics, relationships, money, school, or anything that you know that someone has been struggling with. Bottom line: Talking about your loved one's ex at dinner is probably a bad idea, regardless of their mental state.

6. Give them a "safe word".

This can seem a little silly, but it can be really helpful. Not everyone thinks the same way, so you may bring up a triggering topic without meaning to. Giving your loved one a "safe word" or permission to stop a discussion gives them the ability to quickly steer the conversation away from something triggering without having to explain.

7. Do something fun after you eat!

When I was hospitalized, we always played games after we ate. This is a really easy way to distract your loved one from their eating disorder symptoms. A symptom will typically subside after 15 minutes of distraction.

8. Don't badger them about eating more.

At least, not in front of everyone. It can be difficult to control yourself when you see them eating only half of what they should be, but don't call them out in front of everyone. At least they're trying. There are a lot of different views on what to do if this happens, but as someone with an eating disorder, I would just prefer that you leave me alone about it. Only say something if it's a really big problem. You can always stress them out and make them eat later.

9. Tell them what a great job they did.

Just getting through a food-centered gathering was probably exhausting for them. Later, make sure they know that you're glad that they did their best. Don't make a big deal out of it, but let them know that you're proud of them.

10. Don't mention any weight changes, whether they're good or worrisome.

Even saying something along the lines of "You look healthy," can be triggering. Eating disorders hide in the shadows. Your loved one doesn't want you to think that anything is wrong. If they look like they've lost weight, don't bring it up. They could take that as a compliment, or they could think that you're complaining about it. Don't say that they look healthier, either. That seems harmless, but I know that my mind translates that to "You've gained weight, nice," and I hate that.

The holidays can be hard to navigate. Eating disorders can be hard to navigate. But hopefully, these tips can help you with both.