I haven't always been the most comfortable in my skin, but as I have grown up I have become more confident in who I am. Even though I am pretty confident I still have days where I struggle with my body image. Unfortunately, a lot of those times happen when I am with my friends, because a lot of them are a lot smaller than me. This size difference, although I don't think they mean it to, sometimes causes a unsettling amount of awkward or uncomfortable situations.
1. You never buy anything when going shopping.
Going out shopping with your friends is a nightmare if you are actually wanting to buy. They all want to go to cute boutiques and try on clothes, but those boutiques usually don't sell your size. You tag along, because you want quality time with your friends, but almost every time you end up hating yourself for getting put in that situation.
2. You try to position your self in the least noticeable place.
When hanging out with friends you always are aware of the size difference and you try to put yourself in places where you feel you feel secure and less noticed. This helps you feel like others can't pick up on the size difference like you have.
3. You can't do a lot of the physical things they do.
I mean, of course you CAN, but you get winded faster and often get left behind, The most embarrassing thing for me is hanging out with my friends walking a trail or something of the sort and I start heavy breathing at something that caused them no distress.
4. You never are asked to sit in the middle seat
It's not that you actually want the middle seat, but it is just another way that makes you aware of your body image and brings up those insecurities.
5. You can't eat what your friends eat all the time
Most of your friends can relentlessly eat junk food and not gain weight, but since you already have a weight "problem" you can't always eat with them. If you are trying to control your weight you have to be conscious of what you are eating and actually eat a little healthier even though you want to eat three DQ Blizzards a week, too.
6. You have no one to borrow clothes from.
You love clothes and looking cute, and so do your friends. They all borrow shirts and dresses from each other, but you have to buy all your own cute clothes. This puts weird limits on your friendship that you didn't know could happen. Clothes aren't like the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants where they magically fits everyone in a friend group.
7. When your friends say they are fat you die inside.
If they think they are fat what do they think about you? That is the only thing that runs through your head. You think all your friends are beautiful and you wish they'd see it, too.
8. You have to try to look your best in group photos.
You feel like among all your friends you stick out so much in group photos so you try to turn in and suck in and just look as good as possible. Sometimes afterwards you hate the photo, but you grit your teeth and deal with it, because you don't want to take another-- it would probably look worse anyways.
9. You don't feel as attractive or fun as your friends.
When your friends look good you want to look good too, but you always struggle find a cute short dress or a nice pair of shorts that don't make you feel insecure. You don't want to stick out like a sore thumb in your jeans though so you try to power through in your short dress, but you realize you can't fully function and be yourself when uncomfortable.
10. Sometimes there are just plain awkward situations
Sometimes one of us just says something that really hits a nerve and makes talking about size or wardrobe awkward. We all know it when it happens, but it hits me hard.
Even though friends don't mean it and have no foul intentions sometimes they re-spark our insecurities, but remember they don't mean to-- they love you no matter your size. And friends please try to remember we want to be a part of everything too even if we struggle finding an outfit or have to take it slow hiking up a hill.