I absolutely love to write.

Now one might think that's a given, seeing as I'm literally writing for an online publication, but I do plenty more of it even on my own. And in this past week, I've been on a massive personal writing binge. Looking over all I've written is kind of incredible in a way, but with it came a few struggles that I think just about every writer can relate to.

1. What do I write about?

Honestly? Ideas. Ideas are hard. For example, I like to write short stories with some of my characters. However, I might have a character I wanna use, but I just can't think of a prompt. Or a vague idea that just isn't specific enough to become a story. Honestly, this is why my major could never be writing--I go for weeks without inspiration and then barf out a metric ton of writing over a few days. Alternately...

2. I HAVE TOO MANY IDEAS

Now this seems like the opposite of a problem...until you consider that sometimes, your ideas are so good to you that writing just has to happen. For example, a hour and a half lecture on a topic you might not love can be frustrating on its own, but when it's paired with the fact that you just got the BEST idea and NEED to write it down, it's nothing short of agony. (Or you just "take notes" and write in class. No shame.)

3. PROOFREADING IS THE WORST

Sometimes you just create a beautiful thing and don't really feel like going back and picking it apart. Other times you get the classic struggle of "is this really how you spell it?!" And then sometimes you just look at a word so much that it isn't even a word anymore. Like really. Proofreading.

4. This doesn't even make sense but I'm in the zone so we're gonna go with it

Last night I had a great idea for a story. I had not slept much the night before, it was late, I was dead. But I wanted to write so I did, and I just had that sensation reading over it of "This is completely incoherent but I need to get it out of my head right now so here we go." If my brain won't be coherent, fine. This is the game we're playing so this is how it's gonna happen.

5. When was the last time I ate anything/drank water?

Sometimes you just get caught up in the moment. And that means you completely forget that you're a human. I'll get started writing and suddenly realize that it is, in fact, a time where normal humans should eat, or worse, past that time. Thankfully I have friends who will nag me until I get out of the world of writing, but without them I don't know if I would be a functioning human if we're honest. If left to my own devices I might just end up writing until I'm not really a person anymore.

6. What are words?!

"How the heck do you describe this expression? It's not like a smile, but it's not sad, but it's not neutral, it's kind of a smirk but more of a half smile? But that doesn't sound right?!" Or just looking through and realizing how much a certain word has been used and trying to decide, "should I keep this redundant, rewrite the whole damn thing, or barf a thesaurus onto this paper and sound wrong?" Or the even worse, "What's that word?! The one that sounds like the thing and describes that one thing!" Honestly it's the worst.

7. "Why am I this way?"

Every writer has an annoying habit they hate about themselves. For me, I have a few. One in particular is semicolons. I use semicolons a stupid amount; I think they sound elegant. However, they just get distracting after a while; they detract from the meaning of my work and make my syntax blocky; they're not necessary to use as much as I do; I use them in a grammatically correct way but there are too many; they get really annoying to read. I need to break myself of my love affair of semicolons, and that's just one of many things that I look back on my writing and get exasperated with.

8. "What the heck is this!?"

Sometimes you're writing in the past and need historical accuracy. Sometimes you have a character way smarter than you that makes you look like a potato or is intelligent in a field that you wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. Personally, I have trouble writing non-asexual romance, since I am, in fact, very ace. The other day I had to ask my friend "So how long is it after seeing someone that you find them sexually appealing?" and he had to give me the weirdest look before explaining that it does, in fact, happen instantly. Other times I've had to sit there and wade through complex mathematical articles because one of my characters is great at it or wade through chemistry articles to write my chem major girl. And don't get me started on writing flirting. If I am ever romantically interested in someone, watching me talk to them is like watching a baby try and walk, grabbing onto everything it can for support and then just falling over and lying there, defeated. It's bad, trust me. So writing it? Nope. That's so hard.

9. "I need to have someone proofread this so it gets better but I'm self conscious about people seeing my work."

This is a constant mood. Just knowing something needs to be edited but being terrified to send it to my EIC or my beta. It's a mess honestly. But feedback helps, so I do it.

10. "I'm proud of this, actually! I love this!"

There are few feelings that are better than looking at something you've created and being so proud. It's amazing. And it's what brings me back to writing, again, again, and again.