I'll be blunt: in my opinion, listicles are probably the weakest form of writing out there. It's not even writing — it's just saying things and ideas that don't matter to anybody in the long run. And yet they continue to charm the masses of online readers. Why? Because they're simple to read because of their short length and little substance, they most always include pictures so that you aren't burdened by too many words at once, and they're always about something that people care about on a basic interest level. Consider this scenario, for example.

Marketing Executive Disguised as Writer: Hey there, Average-Minded Citizen! Tell me something that you really like.

Average-Minded Citizen: I really like kittens!

Executive: Good! Now, I've got a list here of 15 kittens all doing something adorable with a plate of microwaveable burritos while their owner plays Chopin on the piano in the middle of a category two hurricane. What do you think about that?

Citizen: Oh my God! I love kittens! I think they're adorable! I wanna see the kittens!

Actually Credible Writer: Yeah, but what about this article I wrote that discusses theories as to why pictures of kittens are so adorable, such as that it fulfills a basic need for us to have something to make us happy to look at while the rest of the world makes us feel bad?

Executive: ...

Citizen: ...

Executive: Hey, look, Average-Minded Citizen! This kitten is wrestling with the burrito packaging!

Citizen: OH MY GOD LET ME SEE THAT RIGHT NOW AAHHHHH WHAT A CUTE KITTY!

You get the idea.

That's not to say that all list-based writing is bad, but the fact of the matter is that writing takes effort. Listicles require little to no effort. And what's more - listicle topics are recyclable. You can have a million different lists about kittens, but it's harder to reuse a topic like, say, Top 10 Comas (which, if I'm going off topic a bit, is an actual article that somebody thought of and wrote, which is a bit sad.)

The bottom line is: I hate listicles. Here's a listicle that lists 10 things I would rather do than write a listicle.

1. Get shot.

2. Get shot again.

3. Eat several live fish and expel them out of my rear, still as live fish, then get shot.

4. Have my eyes pecked out by vultures while I die of starvation in the middle of the desert, then get shot.

5. Be stabbed in the abdomen and then have an ambulance drive over my body, and then have the doctor come out of the ambulance and stab me in the abdomen again, then get shot.

6. Get punched in the nuts by a professional MMA fighter, then get shot.

7. Get struck by lightning while a mountain lion claws my guts out while I'm forced to have my heart removed with a pair of rusty scissors on fire while liquid hot metal is poured onto my face while I'm impaled on several rods of rebar, then get shot.