10 Things You Hear As The Designated Driver

10 Things You Hear As The Designated Driver

“Hey, can you pick us up?”
12
views

Getting the 2 a.m. phone call from your friends asking you to pick them up from the bars never fails to be an interesting experience. As the designated driver, you’re required to handle multiple drunk people, DJ to a multitude of music tastes and manage to not get pulled over. Along the ride, you typically hear a plethora of drunken statements and questions. Here are some of the reoccurring statements I’ve heard during my time as a DD.

1.“I’m SO drunk.”


This is the preceding statement to a string of slurred “I love yous" and “thank you so much for picking us ups.”

2. “[Insert Name Here] is dead!"

Okay, the person probably isn’t actually dead, but they are passed out taking up two seats in the already packed car (including the trunk if the drunken chariot is an SUV), drooling on your best friend’s new crop top.

3. “Can we roll the windows down?”

No, we can’t because then you will proceed to yell belligerent nonsense out the window at the group of police officers regulating the drunken crowds.

4. “Close the door. Now.”

This one comes from the DD themselves, because, since the child lock is now permanently on the windows, obviously the logical thing to do is open the doors and yell. This all happens while you’re navigating down the street full of drunken bar hoppers.

5. “Can we get Taco Bell?”

This question is answered with a chorus of agreement to what seems to be the best idea since sliced bread.

6. “I’m gonna puke!”

This is crunch time for the DD. It is essential that you whip the car over to the side of the road, unless you want to be cleaning puke stains out of the upholstery of your car for the next week.

7. “Can you change the song?”

Nobody agrees on a song. Period.

8. *sobbing*

Okay, so this isn’t actually a statement or question, but more of a muffled noise coming from your friend who drank too much boxed wine and is currently texting her ex.

9. “Where’s my credit card?”

Yes, they left it at the bar. Yes, you need to turn around to go get it.

10. “Can you drop me off first?”

WWIII: Who gets dropped off first?

At the end of the ride, you end up with a group of gracious friends and a good story for the next morning when you pick your friends up so they don’t have to do the dreaded walk of shame.

Cover Image Credit: ImgFlip

Popular Right Now

I Went To "The Bachelor" Auditions

And here's why you won’t be seeing me on TV.
24162
views

It’s finally time to admit my guilty pleasure: I have always been a huge fan of The Bachelor.

I can readily admit that I’ve been a part of Bachelor fantasy leagues, watch parties, solo watching — you name it, I’ve gone the whole nine yards. While I will admit that the show can be incredibly trashy at times, something about it makes me want to watch it that much more. So when I found out that The Bachelor was holding auditions in Houston, I had to investigate.

While I never had the intention of actually auditioning, there was no way I would miss an opportunity to spend some time people watching and check out the filming location of one of my favorite TV shows.

The casting location of The Bachelor, The Downtown Aquarium in Houston, was less than two blocks away from my office. I assumed that I would easily be able to spot the audition line, secretly hoping that the endless line of people would beg the question: what fish could draw THAT big of a crowd?

As I trekked around the tanks full of aquatic creatures in my bright pink dress and heels (feeling somewhat silly for being in such nice clothes in an aquarium and being really proud of myself for somewhat looking the part), I realized that these auditions would be a lot harder to find than I thought.

Finally, I followed the scent of hairspray leading me up the elevator to the third floor of the aquarium.

The doors slid open. I found myself at the end of a large line of 20-something-year-old men and women and I could feel all eyes on me, their next competitor. I watched as one woman pulled out her travel sized hair curler, someone practiced answering interview questions with a companion, and a man (who was definitely a little too old to be the next bachelor) trying out his own pick-up lines on some of the women standing next to him.

I walked to the end of the line (trying to maintain my nonchalant attitude — I don’t want to find love on a TV show). As I looked around, I realized that one woman had not taken her eyes off of me. She batted her fake eyelashes and looked at her friend, mumbling something about the *grumble mumble* “girl in the pink dress.”

I felt a wave of insecurity as I looked down at my body, immediately beginning to recognize the minor flaws in my appearance.

The string hanging off my dress, the bruise on my ankle, the smudge of mascara I was sure I had on the left corner of my eye. I could feel myself begin to sweat. These women were all so gorgeous. Everyone’s hair was perfectly in place, their eyeliner was done flawlessly, and most of them looked like they had just walked off the runway. Obviously, I stuck out like a sore thumb.

I walked over to the couches and sat down. For someone who for the most part spent most of the two hours each Monday night mocking the cast, I was shocked by how much pressure and tension I felt in the room.

A cop, stationed outside the audition room, looked over at me. After a brief explanation that I was just there to watch, he smiled and offered me a tour around the audition space. I watched the lines of beautiful people walk in and out of the space, realizing that each and every one of these contestants to-be was fixated on their own flaws rather than actually worrying about “love.”

Being with all these people, I can see why it’s so easy to get sucked into the fantasy. Reality TV sells because it’s different than real life. And really, what girl wouldn’t like a rose?

Why was I so intimidated by these people? Reality TV is actually the biggest oxymoron. In real life, one person doesn’t get to call all the shots. Every night isn’t going to be in a helicopter looking over the south of France. A real relationship depends on more than the first impression.

The best part of being in a relationship is the reality. The best part about yourself isn’t your high heels. It’s not the perfect dress or the great pick-up lines. It’s being with the person that you can be real with. While I will always be a fan of The Bachelor franchise, this was a nice dose of reality. I think I’ll stick to my cheap sushi dates and getting caught in the rain.

But for anyone who wants to be on The Bachelor, let me just tell you: Your mom was right. There really are a lot of fish in the sea. Or at least at the aquarium.

Cover Image Credit: The Cut

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

11 Amazing TV Shows That Are Ending in 2019

All good things must come to an end.

751
views

It might just be the beginning of 2019 but there are many TV series wrapping up already. There are many breathtaking and original pilots around along with several reboots coming. This might be one of the greatest year for TV.

However, all good things must come to an end. Some series have been planned out and are going to be finished while others have been cut short. Sadly, here's a list of TV series to say goodbye to this year.

1. The Big Bang Theory (CBS)

Final Date: May

12 Seasons//279 episodes

2. Orange is the New Black (Netflix)

www.youtube.com

Final Date: End of 2019

7 seasons//91 episodes

3. Jane the Virgin (CW)

www.flickr.com

Final Date: Mid-late 2019

5 seasons//100 episodes

4. Games of Thrones (HBO)

HBO

Final Date: Summer

8 Seasons//73 episodes

5. Broad City (Comedy Central)

Comedy Central

Final Date: March

5 seasons//50 episodes

6. VEEP (HBO)

HBO

Final Date: Spring

7 seasons//67 episodes

7. Homeland (Showtime)

Showtime

Final date: Summer

8 seasons//96 episodes

8. Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (Netflix)

Final date: January 25

4 seasons//52 episodes

9. The Affair (Showtime)

Amazon

Final Date: End of 2019

5 seasons//42 episodes

10. Friends From College (Netflix)

Final Date: End of 2019

2 seasons//16 episodes

11. Crashing (HBO)

HBO

Final Date: End of 2019

3 seasons//24 episodes

Related Content

Facebook Comments