1. First of all, I'm sorry
I’m sorry that I need constant reassurance that you actually like me and want to hang out with me. I’m sorry that I can't make myself do things that seem simple to you like calling a restaurant to ask when they close or going through the drive-thru when there is a bunch of us.
2. Please try not to laugh it off or trivialize my feelings just because they don't make sense
I know that everyone deals with anxious feelings sometimes, but I also know that not everyone feels it daily. Also, most people don't need medication to make it through the day. I have a hard enough time convincing myself that I am worthy of treatment, so please don't make that any harder for me.
3. I don't do this to myself on purpose
I know it must seem like I purposefully seek out things to worry about, but I promise that isn't the case. Believe me, all I want is to stop thinking sometimes.
4. I'm not lazy
I'll admit, I sleep a lot. That's because constant anxiety takes a lot more energy than a lot of people realize. Sometimes, it takes everything I have to get out of bed and go about my day. Sleeping is the only way I can make my brain stop thinking for a little while.
5. It's not just in my head
I mean, it's a mental disorder, so of course, it starts in my head, but I feel physical symptoms nearly every day. I'm exhausted, my stomach feels sick, and my muscles are constantly tense.
6. I don't mean to be irritable with you
I am painfully aware that sometimes I get snappy with my friends, who did absolutely nothing to deserve it. I'm not trying to make excuses, but it's hard to control my other emotions after a particularly bad day with anxiety. Please don't take it personally.
7. Some days are harder than others
Somedays, I can answer the phone, go through the drive-thru, or have an interview with minimal problems. Other days, just going outside can feel like a huge task. So please don't throw a good day back in my face on a bad day.
8. I'm not just emotional
Like I said earlier, I have a harder time controlling my emotions on a bad day. So, seemingly little things can and will make me cry like a baby. Please don't laugh at me, it makes me feel even more like I'm being ridiculous.
9. It's not always obvious
Or at least that's what I like to think. I've dealt with my anxiety for years, so I've gotten pretty good at hiding it in most situations. That doesn't mean that I'm not feeling it, though. I can't think of a time in the recent past that I haven't felt at least a little bit of anxiety.
10. I'm working on it
I finally convinced myself that I deserve to go to the doctor and get treatment, which means medication and probably therapy (again). Still, I can't imagine a time in the near future where I won't have bad days every once in a while.
11. Most of all... thank you
Thank you for being kind to me. Thank you for being patient with me when I couldn't be patient with myself.