Summer; a time to relax, get caught up on sleep, spend time with friends, and of course go to the movies. Any movie fan knows summer is the time of year when all the big films come out, as Hollywood recycles plot line after plot line and character after character. With the April 27 release of “Avengers: Infinity War,” the summer movie season has officially begun, so film fans better prepare themselves for all the slop that Hollywood will soon churn out. Here are 10 movies coming out this summer that I am completely and utterly unexcited for.
1. “Life of The Party” (May 11)
Every year a not very good Melissa McCarthy comedy seems to come out, and soon another will arrive. This time, Melissa will follow her daughter to college, which will undoubtedly result in a large amount of forced laughs and weak humor. It is sure to be completely terrible, as the bad movies Melissa has been in start to far outnumber her few good ones.
2. “Deadpool 2” (May 18)
We will soon see the return of Ryan Reynolds as the fourth-wall busting foul-mouthed superhero. The first “Deadpool” was pretty good, but also had Reynolds trying way too hard. This time, he is sure to overdo it even more, which will result in a final product far less appealing than the original.
3. "Solo: A Star Wars Story" (May 25)
The original directors of this Han Solo origin film were fired halfway through the production, so Ron Howard ended up taking over. This can’t be a good thing, and will now probably result in what will feel like two completely separate directorial visions for the same movie.
4. "Adrift " (June 1)
I’m sure this is a captivating true story, but do we really need another movie about two people stranded at sea? This film will surely feature a lot of crying, a lot of struggling, and a lot of ocean water.
5. “Ocean’s 8” (June 8)
Here comes the female-led reboot of the “Ocean’s” heist films. It’s fine that the film has an all-female cast, but does it really have to be connected to the other “Ocean’s” movies? There is no George Clooney this time, so it seems like this is just a heist film that has been pointlessly thrown in with the rest of the series.
6. “Incredibles 2” (June 15)
Many have been waiting years for this, and it still baffles me that Disney churned out 3 “Cars” movies before getting around to this one. Still, I think the window for making a decent “Incredibles” sequel has just about closed, so this movie is coming way too late. The original came out fourteen years ago, and based on the previews for the sequel, no time at all has passed since then. Jack-Jack is still a baby, which makes hardly any sense.
7. “Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom” (June 22)
Chris Pratt will soon travel to Jurassic World to try and rescue the dinosaurs before something terrible happens. What could possibly go wrong? The answer is that many things could indeed go wrong, and quite likely will. The first “Jurassic World” was pretty good, but this could very well be an example of a sequel that loses everything that worked in the first film.
8. “The First Purge” (July 4)
We don’t need any more Purge movies. This franchise has taken an actually somewhat thought-provoking concept and turned it into another pointless franchise of poorly made horror films. In this one, we will see how the Purge initially began, but any promise of an intriguing story will be covered up by all the pointless violence, as is customary with this franchise.
9. “Skyscraper” (July 13)
Dwayne Johnson. Action. Explosions. These three elements make up way too many films that have been released recently. In this one, he has to protect his family who are trapped in the world’s tallest building which is on fire. He also has a prosthetic leg because he lost his real one while in the military, which will certainly add a melodramatic emotional core to this film’s mindless explosions.
10. “Replicas” (August 17)
Keanu Reeves plays a scientist who replicates his family after they are killed in a car accident. I’m sure the film will not be particularly good, but maybe it will at least provide some cheesy Keanu Reeves quotes about family and death, because that’s about the best we can hope for with this one.
There are so many bad movies coming out for filmgoers to pick from this summer that they will surely never run out of thoroughly unexciting films to see. The summer movie season has officially begun, and I hope you are just as unexcited for these movies as I am.