1. Starve themselves so their family has to take them out.

If there's one way to avoid eating campus food, then this is it. Plus, it means that you get to eat somewhere much higher than your usual pay grade.

2. ‎Take a shower for the first time in a week.


This is college. What time is there to stay clean every day? Anything to keep our parents from dramatically whipping out the Fabreeze.

3. ‎Go to the gym.


"I go three times a week," you lie through impeccably clenched teeth.

4. ‎Try to get rid of their eye bags.


"So this is where I sleep...for about eight or nine hours every night. Even on weekends!"

5. ‎Take boatloads of Vitamin C so they don't look sick.

"*coughs* That wasn't a cough. I, uh...choked on something. Air. Dust. Weird things going around, y'know?"

6. ‎Stock up on food and drink.


For the kids without visiting parents that don't want to have to hassle for a seat in the dining hall.

7. ‎Fake friendships.


Let's be real, the worst thing is having to explain to your parents that you have no friends. It's embarrassing for you and them.

8. ‎Get rid of their hangovers.


"No, Mom, I swear, I'm not hungover, I just have a headache -!"

9. ‎Clean their room.


Clean your room, or have your mom clean it and never be able to find a single thing again.

10. Hide all of the alcohol.


They're gonna check in the closet.