My mother once told me, "You have to be happy with yourself and who you are before anyone will be your friend or love you." As a young teen, I scoffed at the idea of being able to make yourself happy. I was the girl who wanted to be liked by everyone else. I wanted their validation, I thought that I would be happy as soon as I won the approval of those around me.

I quickly realized you will never win everyone's validation. That is not how the world works. I've been burned by bad friendships far too many times; if there was someone "cooler" to hang out with, most of my friends would hang out with that person over me. After a while, that eats at any self-confidence you have left. Why wasn't I good enough? I will never know, but I do know that it was their loss. Some people will build themselves up by tearing you down, but here is the thing...those people are looking for the same validation you are. They want to be liked by everyone else, just like you. Part of maturing is realizing that you cannot be happy with other people when you are not happy as an individual. Yes, learning to love yourself takes time; you do not just wake up one morning and see yourself as perfection. Unfortunately, we often see our faults before we see the extraordinary things about ourselves. I vividly remember being 16 years old and constantly staring in the mirror, picking out all of the things I did not like about myself: pimples, large nose, pale skin, and small eyes. At the end of the day, I am my own worst critic. Others can bring me down, but my reliance on others' approval stemmed from my own disapproval of who I am and how I look.

So I challenged myself: I would compliment three non-appearance-based qualities each day to build my self-confidence. I needed to prove to myself that my worth does not lie solely on my outward appearance and how the world perceives me based on that appearance. At first it was simple things like my kindness, my photography, and my laugh. Then, I realized I needed to dig deeper, which seems terrifying when you are already self-conscious. With the help of a notebook and pen, I wrote out nearly everything that defined me as a person.

Here are a few things I learned to love about myself:

• my unceasing desire for education and knowledge
• my determination to succeed
• my ambitious nature
• my ability to remember useless but interesting facts
• my love for classic novels and historic films
• my resiliency when faced with difficult times
• my aspirations, dreams, and desires
• my compassion for those in need

While learning to love myself, I had to face my imperfections and weaknesses: my stubbornness, how oblivious to other people's feelings I am sometimes, and my hot-head temper. Guess what? Without those imperfections, I would not be who I am. I am not perfect; perfection is unattainable. Even if it were attainable, perfection would make life incredibly boring. It is our little quirks and imperfections that separate us from all being alike. Life is about accepting your imperfections, not focusing on them and criticizing yourself. Sometimes, though, we can be happy with who we are and still dislike something like our weight because it may hinder us from doing what we want. No matter what, do not let it stop you. If you can change something you do not like about yourself, do it.

As an almost 20-year-old, I look back on my mother's advice and smile. I am thankful for her honesty and owe her the world. She taught me that I must be happy with myself, and everything else in my life will blossom from that self-love. Always remember, your value is more than what the outside world sees. I once read an anonymous quote that stated, "You are beautiful, not for the shape of the vessel but for the volume of the soul it caries." You are more than a size, face, or skin color. You are your dreams, fears, thoughts, character, and so many more wonderful aspects that you may not notice until you take a closer look. Do not let anything hold you back from being who you want to be, doing what you want to do with your life, and finding your happiness. Join the revolution. Love yourself fiercely, and let go of anyone who is toxic to your bliss; you owe it to yourself.