I stumbled across this photo in one of those memory/Time Hop sorta apps. Circa Summer of 2012. Even though six years ago doesn't seem all that long ago, I look at this photo and just think about how it has been ages since I was that person.
All things considered, I do still squint when I smile. I do still love a black french tip and it is still my go-to nail salon choice and I still usually will always be wearing a watch.
However, when I look at this picture, I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when it was taken, and it's not something I am proud of. It's something I wish I could go back and remove myself from the situation. If I could give my 19-year-old self some advice, I would tell her to steer clear of that troublemaker and not offer to sit outside the Lexington county detention center waiting to pick him up after he was released from prison.
That girl, had no cares, no problems, and no ambitions. That girl was quite content living out her first taste of independence and freedom. She was happy not having to check in with anyone, happy not to have someone telling her what to do. But you know where that got her?
Nowhere. What was a summer of fun and fearlessness, slowly turned into moving into her sister's house because she had nowhere else to go. It turned into drug addictions and loneliness. It led to losing close friends and losing herself.
I guess what goes up must come down, and thankfully when you're down all you have left is going up. So when fall rolled around I let my teens lay to rest and started fresh for my 20th birthday. I would not allow myself to fall back into the same traps. That boy later went back into prison and still today, I have to call every six months and have my number re-blocked so that I am not able to be reached.
I wish the girl in this picture would have worked harder to better herself versus trying to mend every broken thing she saw. It wasn't my job to finish every started project, when the only one I needed to be concerning myself with, was mine.