I’ve never been an addict, unless pizza counts as a drug, so I can’t say I relate to the suffering that comes along with it. But, I have been a victim of FOMO, which in my opinion, definitely warrants the need for a rehab facility. 

FOMO, or the “fear of missing out,” is defined by Urban Dictionary as “the fear that if you miss a party or event you will miss something great." I don’t need to tell you that though, because if you have ever felt a tugging at your heart strings when you hear of an event you have to miss, chances are you can relate. We’ve all been there: you have a midterm the next day, you’re getting sick, or you have some other legitimate excuse for spending a quiet night in, when your roommates storm into your room like the party pooper police. They proceed to beg and try to persuade you, but you really don’t need persuading. All you need to hear is that the party of the century is happening just down the street and everyone you know will be there. You don’t know if this claim is true, but it also doesn’t really matter. There is no way you can just sit in bed with a textbook while your best friends are dancing around the room listening to your favorite pregame playlist. Your eyes dart back and forth between the book in your lap and that shot of tequila calling your name. Just think, what would Jesus do?

I can’t tell you what the right thing to do is in this situation, because I still haven’t figured it out for myself, but I can tell you which option you will most likely choose, and the steps your mind will take to get you there.   

Stage 1: Total confidence in your initial decision to stay in

You are a good student and a wise adult. You know what’s best for you and that is to spend the night studying and getting ready to ace that exam. Plus, being sober is good for your health, and sleep is something you definitely don’t get enough of. Maybe you could even watch your favorite movie before falling asleep. This relaxing evening is starting to sound exciting, and no one can convince you otherwise.     

Stage 2: What if…

This is usually the part when your roommate, best friend, or really anyone you know skips into the room with the news of a party that night. The seed has now been planted. But you are strong, and you adamantly refuse while explaining your sensible plans. Somehow, they don’t seem that important when you say them out loud, and those ‘what if’ questions start creeping into your mind. What if you’re missing out on a once in a lifetime college experience? What if your hookup is there and finds someone else? What if the midterm is easy and you wasted a night studying for nothing? What IS life?   

Stage 3: Denial

No, no, no, you cannot start doubting yourself. You made your decision before your mind was polluted with the sound of five people yelling “shots!” in the other room. They can shove as many beers in your face as they want, but it still won’t make you change your mind. There will be so many more chances to put your party pants on, but now is the time to focus. Pop some earplugs in, because there is NO WAY you are caving this time.   

Stage 4: The back and forth 

At this stage, you start to have a heated argument with the devil on your shoulder as those walls of certainty begin to be cut down by the thought of missing out. You didn’t foresee this attack, and it doesn’t help that you deep down really want the devil to win. You can take one night off, why not? If I do I’ll fail my midterm and my class and my life is ruined. You can always retake the class, but you can’t relive the party (amirate??). I have to show some willpower, parties aren’t even that important. But I wanna goooooo. The extreme indecisiveness might start to make you feel schizophrenic.   

Stage 5: Speaking hypothetically

Ok, let’s say I did go….would it be fun? What would I even wear? I guess I should pick out an outfit, just in case. I should also figure out what everyone’s doing later. I’m not going to go, of course, but it couldn’t hurt to see what’s up.   

Stage 6: Reasoning with yourself

You have been studying for this test for what seems like ages. There’s no way you won’t get an A. This is the party of the century, and let’s not forget, you are a victim of FOMO here. Others have to be understanding of your condition. You have the perfect outfit in mind too and that doesn’t happen very often. It must be a sign. If you absolutely have to, you could always wake up early the next morning to study (we all know that never actually happens, but it makes us feel better to say it). Just don’t drink that much when you go out. Three drinks are good enough, and you can wake up refreshed and exam ready. You have worked hard all week. You deserve this.

Stage 7: Caving 

That's it. It’s done. You are dressed to go out. There is one shot in your hand and two working their way through your liver. There’s no turning back now. At some point, between the arguments with your conscience and the prodding of others, you slumped your shoulders in defeat and admitted to your less-than-productive decision to go out. The devil on your shoulder has won, so let’s just hope that your midterm goes alright. But, you’re not even upset. Your night is going to be great, and if it’s a mistake, then at least it’s a learning experience, and it will definitely give you some good memories. If this feels so right, how could it be wrong?